The 11th month of the 12th year

Its November.  Its finally baby's birth month.  No matter what, she will be born in November.  This makes me happy.  I'm an October Baby.  Along with half of my extended family.  For a period of two weeks, we have several birthdays, almost back to back. 

Deep down, the last thing I really wanted for Abby was to be clumped into that mix.  Sure its fun to celebrate with others, but your birthday should be the one time of year you don't have to share.  Lucky for Abby, there are no other November birthdays in the family.

She will be the first and she can be queen of the castle on her special day.

Which day she chooses are her special day in the 11th month of the 12th year is still unknown.  I'm ready for any day.  Pick your number Abby!

No news

No news is not good news.  Today's appointment was disappointing.  I really don't know more than I already did an hour ago.  No internal check, no discussion of labor inducing procedures, nada. 

What a difference a day can make.  Yesterday I said I wasn't ready.  But after being totally uncomfortable last night, I think I am.  She's got no room in there.  I've got no room to move around.  I'm achy and crampy all the time.  I'm tired and cranky.  I could cry at the drop of, well anything.  Just the thought of three more weeks is agony.

I know its all for the best. 

We just continue to impatiently wait.

Are you ready?

I've been asked this question a million times lately.  I'm never sure how to answer it.

Yes, her room is ready.  Yes, I have everything I think I need.  So I guess, yes I'm ready.

Physically, my back aches, my ribs are tired of being kicked, these cramps are getting annoying, so I guess, Yes, I'm ready.

Emotionally though, I don't think I'm ready at all.  I feel like I do during the holidays.  Happy, go-lucky, just enjoying the magical time.  But I know as soon as it comes and its over.... blah!  The excitement is over and its back to real life.  Although I know in this situation, life will never be the same.  I guess I'm already preparing myself for the let down, which is horrible!  I need to tell myself that life is going to get better and a little miracle is coming into our lives.

Holy Shit... a real child is going to be in our lives!  I'm petrified of caring for a child.  I'm so not ready for her to come yet.

I'm also hoping this will last as long as possible because this might be it.  This might be the only chance I get to do this and I want to savor every minute of it.  Just like not wanting to take my wedding dress off because I knew I would never wear one again.  But, eventually I had to. 

Eventually this baby will have to come out.  I'm excited to finally meet the little wiggle worm and see what she looks like.  Its like I've been staring at the big package under the tree for weeks and its finally time to open it.  I know what's inside will bring me hours of joy, but I've already grown to love the hours of joy in the anticipation.  Will one be just as good as the other? 

I guess we just have to wait and see.

Winter Melon

How far along: 37 weeks.... full term!

How big is baby:  18.9-20.9 inches, 6.2-9.2 lb-  lets hope on the side of 6.2 pounds!
Total weight gain:  Enough... plenty enough!

Maternity clothes:  Its gotten colder here.  Its harder to find things for an entire work week.  I've got three long sleeve shirts.  Thankfully I have a ton of cardi's and I can just layer up
Sleep:  Not so much anymore.  Between the heartburn and the aches and pains, its not very comfortable.

Best moment this week:  Learning that baby girl was head down!  I had a hunch, based upon my reoccurring pelvic pain, but it was nice to know she's turned herself and she's locked and loaded!
Gender: Girl, GIRL, GIRL!!!!!

Craving:  I'm back to beer.  Soon... I can wait.  I've made it this long.
Movement:  She's been playful this week.  I can clearly feel where her body parts are.  Its fun to poke at her feet and feel them move.  Or pat her back and feel her squirm.  I think she'll be a cuddler when she comes out.

Labor Signs:  I think I had my first real contractions Saturday night.  I was crampy enough that it woke me up, and my back was also killing me.  I could feel my belly tense up, but nothing was rhythmic and it faded away enough for me to go back to sleep.  I haven't felt anymore since then.  I'm eager to see what tomorrow's appointment brings.

Belly Button in or out:  Its in.  I certainly hope I don't get any bigger for it to stretch out.

Stretch marks: None! yippee!

What I am looking forward to: Tomorrow's appointment.  I was disappointed last week that there wasn't any progress.  I'm hoping for a little more this time.  Although I would really like her to wait till November to get here, but that's Thursday!

Milestones: I finally got all my shower Thank You's written!  However, they are still on the bar waiting to go in the mail!  But they are written, sealed, and stamped!

Burn Baby Burn

If the old wives tale is true, then Abby is gonna have a whole head full of beautiful hair because the constant heartburn is killing me!

Morning, noon, and night.  It seems like it always there.  And it always happens when I don't have easy access to the tums. 

I don't like feeling like my throat is on fire.  Night time is the worst.  Thankfully (knock on wood) it doesn't keep me up at night, but I certainly notice it while I am awake a night (thank you baby laying on bladder).

I've found a few things that contribute to it.  It took me a while to figure out the greek yogurt did it.  But tomato products also do it.  Like the big bowl of tomato soup I ate last night.  That was not smart, and I won't do that one again!

I can't wait to see all this beautiful baby hair!

Patiently waiting

Today started weekly check ups.  Something I wish I could have done from the beginning.  You know, being the worry wart that I am, its comforting to have an experts opinion.

So far I'm not doing anything.  Cervix is softening, but not doing much else.  Abby has flipped to head down.  Yeah!  I already knew that though.  Given the pressure that's back on my pelvis, I knew something was up.  Getting out of bed usually results in a few pain straining moments as I try to hoist myself up and out. 

7 days till another check.  In the mean time we just wait.  All is ready and set to go.  I'm paying attention to all the signs (probably too much, but that's nothing new!).  I've had a few heavier cramps, but nothing "rhythmic". 

For now we are just patiently waiting!

Honey Dew

How far along: 36 weeks

How big is baby:  17.2-18.7 inches, 4.2-5.8 lb.

Total weight gain:  Who knows!  Its gonna be a lot more if I keep eating those M&M's in my desk!

Maternity clothes:  Everything is snug.  Even shirts.  Its strange to think how baggy things were a few weeks ago.

Sleep:  I'm trying to get all I can.  Its uncomfortable.  Its hard to roll over.  It also hurts to roll over, everywhere.  Mostly my back and crotch!
Best moment this week:  My birthday was last week.  I got my first Happy Birthday Mom card!

Gender: Girl, GIRL, GIRL!!!!!

Craving:  Right now, those M&M's in my desk.  I could eat the entire bag (and its the big bag!)

Movement: She's still moving around in there.  She's still got her personal space issues.  If I lay on my left side, she will poke or kick at me.  I guess she doesn't like that.

Labor Signs:  I think my braxton hicks have increased.  I'm not sure if its that or she is pushing on me.  I've also started to feel crampy again.  I haven't noticed any rhythm to anything, but I'm paying attention.

Belly Button in or out:  Its in, and I think it will stay that way.

Stretch marks: None! yippee!

What I am looking forward to: My first internal check is tomorrow.  I'm excited to see if there is any progress.  Although I want her to cook as long as possible.  I will enjoy these weekly check ups!

Milestones: The hospital bag is packed and in the car.  I guess that means I'm ready?!?!

Miss Independent

I'm very independent.  Almost stubbornly independent at times.  But yesterday, I realized I should take advantage of help.  Things are getting harder to do.  Its harder to move around, its awkward, its uncomfortable. 

I tackled the grocery store yesterday after work.  We needed a few things that couldn't wait any longer.  When I got there it was so crowded!  Its usually busier in the evenings when I go, but this time it was crazy.  And I always get stuck behind the slow, old people.  I have a very distinct system in the store.  I always follow the same route, and I always follow my list.  (I actually have an app that will organize your list by the aisles in the store.  I love it.  I just go down the list and when I get to the bottom, checkout!).

Anyway, after a long day at work, I wasn't prepared for the business at the store.  I had quite a few items to get, so my cart was full, and heavy.  Normally, Miss Independent, would push the buggy out to her car herself and load it up, but yesterday, for the first time, I let the bagman (he was over 65, so he wasn't a bagboy), take it all to my car.  Its a small thing, but I realized it would be so much easier on myself to just let him do it for me.  I didn't need to overdo myself anymore.  The parking lot is always hard to maneuver and he packed the bags all crazy so I didn't need to do any heavy lifting. 

It felt really odd giving up that little bit of control.  I've heard so many people tell me lately that I should take it easy.  Sometimes I've almost felt like an invalid because people won't let me do anything.  Even simple things.  I've had an uncomplicated pregnancy (knock on wood), and I've gone about my life as usual.  The doctors didn't put any restrictions on anything I could do. 

I'm not a complainer.  You take what you are given and you work with it.  No excuses, no exceptions. Its been frustrating at times to relinquish this idea.  I know it will be over soon and everyone will return to their normal selves.  :)

Blogversary

Today its been one year since I started journaling my journey.  Of course, my journey started long before that, but when I was in a really low valley of darkness, I thought having a place to express myself might help me through to the other side. 

Its been very therapeutic.  More than I could have imagined.  Its helped me through the bad times and helped me document the good times. 

I took a stroll down memory lane, starting here with my very first post. Probably one of the darkest places I've been.  The day I knew our FET didn't work.  At the end of last year I was clinging to Hope.  In early January I blogged about how much Woody meant to me.  He's become very clingy again, I wonder if that's a sign of labor?

I laugh at this post... Its just Karma.  All I want right now is a beer.

Then there was another anniversary post, followed three days later by my happiest post yet.

The rest of the year has been filled with excitement and expectations.

Excitement here, here, and here.  And there are plenty more, I could probably link them all. 

I can't believe what a journey the last year has been.  With out this blog, I'm not sure I could fully remember all the ups and downs.  Life seems to be happening so fast.  I can't wait for Abby to get here and me to start journaling her life.  All the little things that she does to amaze me.  All the joys and sorrows we share with her. 

Always remembering the precious miracle we have.

Finally did it

For years I would avoid the employee health nurse this time of year.  Its flu shot season.  We aren't required to get one at work (except for the year of H1N1), but its highly recommended.  You have to sign a waiver if you don't.  For 9 years, I've gladly signed that wavier.

Why?

Because I'm a pussy.  And I don't like needles.  That's all a false statement now.  How can someone who's been through multiple IVF's hate needles?  I still don't like them, but I tolerate them.

This year though, for Abby's health, I needed to get one.  So yesterday was the first day you could get one, so I marched upstairs and smiled at the nurse.  She almost peed her pants with excitement.  She let me have the comfy reclining chair.  (Which I could have stayed in for a while).

She jabbed my left arm and pushed in that juice and damn if it didn't hurt!  Son of a-----!  Again, confirmation that I'm a pussy! 

My arm still aches, 24 hours later. It was hard to sleep on the side last night because the muscle was so sore.  My IM trigger shots didn't even hurt this bad!

The things you do for your children. 

Last one done

We had our last baby class last night.  It was the one I was most looking forward too, the Taking Care of Baby class.  It was going to teach you about what to do after birth and how you care for your new one.  Of course, I've reviewed the Internet and I've watched videos, but its always nice to hear it from a person and be able to ask questions.

Gene wasn't thrilled to go, but he went along.  I turned out to be the same instructor as our birthing class, so that was nice.  I liked her teaching style.  Although last night, it did start to get on my nerves a little bit.  She would bring up a topic, and then ask anyone if they knew anything about it.  Most of us didn't, which is why we were there.  It just started to get old.  Maybe I was just tired and cranky. Anyways....

I did learn how to swaddle.  I'm now a baby burrito making champ.  We also learned the proper technique to diapering.  Gene was insistent that we put the cloth diaper on the baby's head like an Amish cap.  I kept trying to tell him that was incredibly rude and inconsiderate.  He finally gave in after I took the diaper away. 

The final part of the class was spent going over the Happiest Baby on the Block theory.  This involves using various techniques to soothe the baby.  It was good to know some of these tips.  I would have never thought that placing the baby on their side would soothe them.  I also wouldn't have thought to shush them in their ears, really loudly, either.  I'm hoping we don't have to use the techniques, but I know we will at some point, so I'm glad we were both instructed on them. 

Now all we have to do is wait. 

Lemonade anyone?

Coconut

How far along: 35 weeks, 35 days to go!

How big is baby:  She is now a little coconut! 4.2-5.8 pounds!   17.2-18.7 inches long.

Total weight gain:  All in the hips and thighs!

Maternity clothes:  I broke down and bought another pair of khaki pants.  I just couldn't see myself last 5 more weeks, plus postpartum with what I had.  They were a good sale, and I know I will where them several times in the next 5 weeks.  They are so much more comfy than the bella band.

Sleep:  The weird dreams have returned.  Its just one crazy dream after another

Best moment this week:  Hearing her heartbeat at my check up.  Nice and strong.

Gender: Girl, GIRL, GIRL!!!!!

Craving:  No big cravings this week.  I'm just trying to watch what goes in because I know its all going to my hips.

Movement: She is still enjoying rooting in my ribs.  Its also fun to grab at parts that poke out.  You can poke it and it will move away.  I like to follow it and tease it.

Labor Signs:  None yet.  The doctor assured me that I will know when its time. I sure hope so!

Belly Button in or out:  Its in, and I think it will stay that way.

Stretch marks: None! yippee!

What I am looking forward to: Tonight is our baby care class.  I'm hoping I get more out of it than the other two classes.  I know how to change a diaper and bathe her, but I'm looking forward to some tips and some reassurance that you can't break her!

Milestones: We put the car seat in last night.  It looks weird in the back seat.  Woody and JJ are going to have to get use to riding on the other side of the car.  I've also washed all her sheets and some of her clothes (the ones she will wear now).  The clothes still need to be folded, and resorted, but they are clean and ready for use.

Roto Rooter

I think I've discovered something the Abby has inherited from her father.  Her ability to root.

Every night when we get into bed, Gene curls up on his right side and plays of the iPad.  I lay to his left, usually watching TV.  He will curl his feet up next to meet and root them somewhere to get warm.  (In the dead of winter this always makes me squeal).  He roots.  Every night, finding the right spot for his feet.

It seems like Abby has learned that.  She has taken up a spot in my right rib cage.  Its not too terribly uncomfortable, but its painful to have to bend or move on that side.  Poking at it just seems to make it worse because then she reacts.  I just subliminally send her messages to move!

I'm glad to see she's already learned something from her Dad!

Do I smell good?

Because I've been showered! 

I didn't have any expectations for a shower.  Early on a great friend asked if she could host a shower for me and of course I excepted. 

We picked out a date months ago.  I was hesitant to wait till 34 weeks, but I knew that's what worked for everyone.  I kept having nightmares that I would deliver before the shower!  Thankfully that didn't happen. 

I didn't want anything specific.  It was mostly for the church ladies to come and ooh and ahh over me.  JJ wanted to come till I told him it wasn't like our usual parties.  He was glad to go to soccer instead. 

I was welcome yesterday to a room filled with pink and green flowers. Sweet little tea sandwiches and fruits on a beautiful table.  Delicious cake squares. And pink punch.

I spent at least an hour opening gifts.  It seemed like it would never end.  I'm embarrassed to admit that I got so hot I sweated to the vinyl seat.  That was a gross surprise when I stood up! 

I was pleased to see so many things that I had registered for.  I'm grateful for all my gifts, but I've been holding off getting some of the things I wanted (needed) till after the shower.  I think the pack in play was my most exciting gift to cross of my want list.  I was beginning to convince myself that she could just start in the crib from day one and I could just suck it up walking up and down the stairs.  I can't wait to get it out the box and set it up!

The diaper pail was also an exciting gift.  The last thing I want is a stinky room.  She's too cute to stink!

I received several bonnets.  Who knew bonnets were so popular?!?

I received a lot of bath items.  I guess she will be smelling good too.  I have to set them all out so I can see exactly how much body wash and bubble bath there is! 

Something that wasn't a shower gift, but I did receive them this weekend, was baby clothes that belonged to me and my mother.  The dresses are adorable and perfectly vintage.  I can't wait to see Abby in them.  I know vintage is in, but it just makes them better that they are family heirlooms.  Most of them handmade by earlier generations!

It was a wonderful day.  I have pictures, but I haven't done anything with them yet.  I was too tired last night to do much of anything.  I have it on this weeks to do list, so I'll see what I get around too!

Butternut Squash

How far along: 34

How big is baby:  The size of a butternut squash. What's with all the squashes?!?!?  4.2-5.8 pounds!   17.2-18.7 inches long.

Total weight gain:  Plenty

Maternity clothes:  I've busted out the bella band again.  I'm trying not to buy more pants.  It still drives me crazy, but I keep reminding myself that its not much longer!
Sleep:  Ehh... its not so easy anymore. It hurts my pelvis to lay on my sides, but it hurts my back to lay on my back.  I've been having crazy dreams again.  I'm also extremely hot at night!

Best moment this week:  My shower was yesterday.  It was so nice to have so many people around me to support me. We received so many great things.  I would much rather be at home right now sorting through it all then stuck here at work! 
Gender: Girl, GIRL, GIRL!!!!!

Craving:  chocolate lately.  Mostly at work, were I don't have any.  I keep looking for candy sales so I can stock up on some, but then I convince myself that I don't need it.

Movement: She's become a pusher.  She's not kicking much anymore, but she will push her arm or leg against my sides.  At times you can even grab at it.  Sometimes she will pull away and sometimes she won't.  Its really weird to feel around for her parts and try to guess what they are.  Gene is now fascinated by this.

Labor Signs:  I'm getting anxious that I won't know when there are signs.  I don't want to be that person that calls the nurse line all the time and its a false alarm.  I'm going to ask at my appointment tomorrow about specific things I should pay attention too.

Belly Button in or out:  Still in.  The skin around it is very sore though.  Gene likes to stick is finger in it, and it really hurts when he does that.  I guess its just tired of stretching!

Stretch marks: None!

What I am looking forward to: I'm ready to get all the last things we need.  I plan to hit up both Target and Babies R Us this week for the last few necessities.  I'm ready to get her room all organized.  I'll start washing her clothes soon.  It could be any time now and I want to be ready!

Milestones:     I think the shower was a milestone.  Its something I never thought I would have.  It was great to be spoiled for a day.  It was better than Christmas!

Life as I know it

In a few short weeks I will be the mother of a newborn, and a tween.  Its hard for me to see JJ as a tween.  He's growing up so fast.  I still see him as the bubbly little boy I met years ago.

He's 11 now.  He's in middle school.  He's become into his appearance, some.  He cares about what he wears and if it looks good.  He spends time fixing his hair. (Although there isn't much you can do with his stick straight short hair, but he tries). 

Today after school there is a dance.  He went to the dances in Elementary school, but he never really wanted to.  We had to talk him into it, and he usually went with a soccer ball in hand, hoping he would just get time to play with his friends, rather than dance.   But this year, there was no arm twisting.  He was eager to go.

Last night he came to me to ask me an important question.  He held two different deodorants in his hand, and he ask me which one he should wear tomorrow.  He proceeded to open each one and let me smell them.  I had to hold back my giggles.  Did that really just happen?  Did he really just ask what he should smell like?  Does he really care that much?!?!? 

Wow!

I did chuckle when he wasn't in ear shot anymore.  It was cute to see him growing up.  He talked about his one classmate was going to ask a girl to dance, and JJ was convinced she would say no.  I've been encouraging JJ to learn how to dance Gangnam Style.  What better way to exploit his Asian heritage right?!?  The ladies already love his moves, why not use it to his advantage.  He showed me a little of what he can do this morning.

I can't wait to hear all about it.  I can't believe he's growing up. 

You won't know until you try

Last night was our second of three prenatal classes.  After already enduring the day long child birthing class, I was looking forward to the shorter classes.

Breastfeeding was up first.  I was able to convince Gene to come with me for moral support.  It was recommended a spouse, or care partner come with you so in your sleep deprived moments post baby birth, you'll have another brain that might be able to help you sort out any difficulties you might have.

As soon as we got to class I scanned for familiar faces.  Luckily I didn't seen any of the extreme question askers from the child birth class, but that didn't mean that there wasn't a few new ones in hiding. 

We settled into our seats, complete with our practice baby. She seemed disproportionate to me, but what do I know about babies.  The instructor began with her power points, and droned on and on for over an hour.  clicking through slide after slide, but not remembering what was on each slide so many of them she kept repeating herself. 

I didn't really know what to expect going into this class.  We did get to practice a few positions, and see how it feels to hold the baby.  She briefly talked about pumps and things.  She spent the most time talking about latching and its importance. 

In the end I determined that breastfeeding is just one of those things that you can't explain until you try it.  Every woman is different and every baby is different.  She did talk about the correct way to put the baby to breast and how not to unlatch them.  I would think all of this could be covered as a one on one lesson once the baby arrives.  Which I know they will do anyway.  She already told us a lactation consultant would be by multiple times during the day to check on you. 

I feel like I was suckered out of my time and money on this one.  Lets hope the last one, the baby care/happiest baby on the block class is better!

Nuttin To It

But to do it.

That's pretty much what the doctor told me last week when I asked about my pelvic pain.  Suck it up sista, its only gonna getting worse before it gets better.

And, I knew that's what she was going to say. Dr. Google told me that!  And, I'm fine with that.  I just didn't want it to be something more serious that I was overlooking because I'm getting second opinions from Dr. Google. 

Usually at night, when I put my cankles up in the recliner, I stuff the cherry pit warmer in my crouch and let out a manly sigh. I've tried to use a pillow between my legs at night, but I turn too often and it just gets bunched under the covers.  It does seem to help some, but I'm not sure its worth the fight under the covers.  Tylenol PM also helps on those days when its just too much.

Anything is bearable at this point.  I've made it this far, its nothing compared to how far I've come.  It was three years ago that we decided that we would start trying.  Three years ago I ditched the birth control pills.  Two years ago I sat in front of Dr. Miller talking about options, drugs, and womanly functions.  One year ago I was hopeful that the second time would be the charm. The amount of pain felt during those times is far worse than anything I'm feeling now.  At least at this point I know there is an end to it all. 

Nuttin to it, but to do it.

Durian

First of all, what is a durian?  Its apparently a fruit native to southeast Asia.  Apparently is smells really bad.  And it apparently is something I don't really want to eat!

How far along: 33

How big is baby:  The size of a durian.  4.2-5.8 pounds!  Wow!  17.2-18.7 inches long.

Total weight gain:  If you subtract all the cookies I've eaten, not much at all!

Maternity clothes:  I had a blow out of one of my pairs of pants this week.  The crotch got a hole in it.  And I don't think its repairable.  They are linen and it just looks like the fabric shredded.  Now I only have two pairs.  I don't really want to buy another pair but I don't think I can make it 7 more weeks with just two pairs of work pants.

Sleep:  Hasn't been too bad lately.  I've accepted the aches and pains that come with it and they extra energy it takes to get out of bed every time. 
Best moment this week:  Having her interact with Gene.  He likes to snuggle up to her in the mornings.  He will rest his hands on my belly and its fun to watch his reaction when she moves around.  I always get a laugh when he asks me, "Did you feel that!"

Gender: Girl, GIRL, GIRL!!!!!

Craving:  All the same. But there isn't one thing that I just have to have and I can't go another minute without.  I haven't sent Gene out at night for anything.  I think that's ridiculous.  Its just a craving, not a need.  If we don't have it at home, then too bad.  But, we have most things at home, so I'm good!  :)

Movement: She's exploring her little home.  She has personal space issues (don't know where she gets that from!)  She doesn't like it when I rest of hands/arms on my belly.  I feel a lot of kicking and punching then.  I guess I wouldn't like it either if my tiny cocoon was being severely squished!

Labor Signs:  None yet, but I guess its time to start paying attention.  With just 7 weeks to go, anything can happen.

Belly Button in or out:  In, but flatter.  Confession Time:  I think outies are icky and I hope I don't get one.

Stretch marks: None!

What I am looking forward to: My shower is Sunday!  My mom comes this weekend.  She hasn't seen me since June.  She's in for a shock!  Also my BFF from high school is coming with her little girl.  She wanted to throw me a shower but it just didn't work out for me to get back there for one.  I'm excited that she is able to come. I can't wait to celebrate little Abby!

Milestones:   I organized her clothes this week.  They still need to be washed, but they are in the drawers according to size.  I'm waiting till after the shower to start washing things.  Just in case I need to take some things back.  (Who am I kidding, I love all her clothes, I'm keeping them weather I have too many or not!).  I enjoy spending time in her room.  She also enjoys it.  She gets active when I sit in the glider. I can't believe how soon she will be here.

Greatest Wife Award

I'm giving myself the greatest wife award this week. 

Last week was Gene's birthday.  As a gift, I gave him tickets to the Carolina game that weekend.  I got three so we could make it a family deal.  He worked out plans to tailgate with some of his friends.  We got up Saturday morning, loaded up and headed to Columbia.

We knew when we got there that we would have to park in general admission parking.  We tried to get as close to the tailgate as we could.  I told the boys I can walk as long as they need me to, I just don't walk that fast anymore.  We weren't in any hurry, so that was good.

We hung out at the tailgate for a while, till it was time for the game to start.  We headed with the crowd to the stadium.  Again, not going very fast, but moving.  I let them wander ahead and I kept my eye on them.

Then it came time to go into the stadium.  I knew we had upper deck tickets (I was the one who bought them), so I knew of the upcoming suffering.  The security guard at the gate complimented my organized bag and took the time to tell me about the First Aid services they have and that if I needed anything at all I should stop in. 

Our tickets were scanned and thus began the uphill climb for the 31 (almost 32) week pregnant lady.  Stair after stair, I climbed my way up.  Not moving fast, but getting there.  Holding on to the handrail and looking at each step as I took it.  I tried to block everything else out and just focus on the task.  I did hear a boy tell a girl he was with that if I could do this, so could she.  8 flights later, I made it to the landing. 

At this point I'm completely out of breath and I have to pee.  I make a bee line to the bathroom.  There is no energy to hover.  I take a good look, ok, all clean, and plop.  I sit for a few minutes to catch my breath.  The huffing and puffing must have sounded interesting from outside the stall. 

I shimmied up my sweaty maternity shorts and set out to climb to our seats.  (row 26).  I knew once I was up there, I wasn't coming down until we were done.  I was excited to get to our seats and sit for a while, but as soon as we got there it was time to stand for the prayer, and the national anthem. 

I did the right thing and I stood up.  It was parents day, and the prayer included mentions of family and parenthood.  Gene gave me big side hug, and let me lean on him. I wanted to tear up, but I was too exhausted too.

We survived till the 4th quarter and then we started to make the trek back.  Going down stairs is much easier than going up!  8 flights down was a breeze, I just had to fight the masses back to the tailgate. 

We hung out long enough to give my legs a rest and then we made it the rest of the way to the car.  Then I did the nice thing and I drove home (you know, since I was sober!).  I was exhausted, but it made Gene the happiest man in the world. 

Once we got home, I showered and immediately collapsed in to the bed. I don't know if going to a college football game at 31 weeks was my smartest decision, but I'm glad we got to go.  We haven't been to a Carolina game in years, and who knows how hard it will be next year.  I certainly wouldn't do it again this year! 

Just seeing Gene at his Alma Mater, happy as a clam, sharing the experience with his family made it all worth it.

Squash

How far along: 32

How big is baby:  The size of a squash now.  Some round, orange looking thing.  I don't really know my different squashes.  15-16 inches; 2.5-3.8 pounds!

Total weight gain:  I'll find out tomorrow at my check up!
Maternity clothes:  Ugh.  I think my elastic waist pants are giving up the fight.  I'm fighting crackage every day.  They don't want to stay up around the belly.  My tank tops are also not quite long enough, so they don't stay tucked.  Its gonna be a long 8 weeks.

Sleep:  Its harder to roll over now.  Its becoming a production to switch from side to side!

Best moment this week:  Seeing Abby again at the ultrasound.  She still wasn't the most cooperative, but the tech was so nice to keep trying.  I wanted to bust out in the ugly cry, but JJ was there and I didn't want to scare him.  She's precious in every way.  I can't believe that's my miracle.

Gender: Girl, confirmed once again.

Craving:  Nothing has changed there.  Sweets, ice cream, doughnuts.  All the stuff I probably shouldn't eat.

Movement: She must have been going through a growth spurt because she's been quiet lately.  Yesterday was the first day in a few that she was bopping around.  I try not to worry, but its very hard.  As long as I feel a little something, I tell myself its ok.  I will clarify tomorrow with the doctor what I should expect and when I should be concerned.

Labor Signs:  I don't know if I've had anymore Braxton Hicks.  I've felt like my tummy got firm, but its centralized, usually around where her feet are, so she might just be pushing outward.

Belly Button in or out:  Its in.  I think its gonna stay in.

Stretch marks: None!

What I am looking forward to:  My shower is in two weeks!  My mom is coming up too, so it will be good to spend some time with her.  This will be the last time she sees me before Abby arrives.

Milestones:   The 4D ultrasound was this weeks milestone.  I'm so glad we did it.  Just to see her little face.  Her eyes, nose, mouth.  I can't wait to see it in person.  I just want to kiss those little cheeks. I'm getting more and more excited as the days go on.  I need it to slow down though because its all happening way to fast.  I can't believe I just have 8 more weeks to go!

Making memories

I love to bake.  I think I like the mixing and concocting.  Its like a science experiment.  And I like science.

Last night JJ and I hit the kitchen to bake Gene a birthday cake.  JJ loves to bake as much as I do.  I have to remember that.  I use it as my outlet sometimes, and sometimes I have to remember that its as much about being with him as it is being for me. 

I showed him the recipe and we began gathering the ingredients. He would name it and I would tell him where to find it. 

Then we started reading the instructions.  Line by line he would read to me what it said.  We would find the ingredient.  Then I would ask him how much of it we needed (while looking over his shoulder to make sure he said the right thing).  Then he would measure.  We enjoyed the math lesson.  Dividing 3/4 into a something we could use with the cups that we had.

He's still skirmish about breaking the eggs.  I still do that part. 

He got a good giggle when the dry ingredients puffed up into his face.  Then we scrambled to clean up the floor before Gene could see the mess we made.

He decided that he wanted to invent a beater that the batter wouldn't stick to.  I thought that was a genius idea.

He watched me carefully spoon the batter in to the pan.  And when I asked him to help me by opening the oven, he proclaimed that it was hot and he wasn't going to touch it! 

I love taking the time to stop and see things how they see it.  I know its going to be so much fun when Abby comes along.  I'm new to all this baby stuff.  JJ was 4 when we started hanging out, so I've got a few years to go before I feel comfortable knowing what I'm doing.  Although I don't think you can ever know what you are doing when it comes to parenting!

Take 2

Mt. Dew isn't all that bad.  Not my drink of choice.  It did seem to get Abby moving a little, but I really think she's in a growth spurt and she's just content to be still.  I guess highly active to me, is not much by the standards.

She's still breech.  And she still has her hands and feet up at her face.  The sonographer theorized that her hands are most likely there to protect herself from her feet.  She doesn't like the kicking, so she is guarding herself.  I think that's pretty ingenious of the little one. I wouldn't like getting kicked in the face either! See exhibit A below.  Foot in Face.

The sonographer gave us more than the time we should have gotten.  She was very patient.  She tried her hardest, but Abby just wasn't into it.  I'm happy with the photos we got.  You can see her face.  Her eyes, her nose, her little lips.   (Gene is concerned that she will have a huge nose.)

I loved seeing her taking breaths and moving around (even though it was just a little bit). It was just surreal to lay there and look at her.  I watched the DVD replay of it this morning and I'm still in awe.  I think she's the most beautiful baby in the world. 

I can't wait to meet her.  I just hope she can get her act together and turn around.  Although, I am worried that she won't.  The sonographer explained that the uterus is like a balloon.  So right now, she's content with her head up because there is more room.  She suggested acupuncture and a chiropractor to help turn her.  She said a chiro can adjust the pelvic muscles, giving her a little more space.  I already know my pelvic muscles are extremely tight.  She might be hiding out in this position because she just won't fit any other way. 

We will have to wait and see.  I'm ok with her coming out any way she can.  Although I always imagined a vaginal delivery.  But I guess one more trip to the OR can't hurt me.  I just want her to be healthy, so we can all be happy.

I'm on breech baby watch now.  8 weeks and 5 days to get it together.

Is it just me

Gene and I attended the Prepared Childbirth Class this Saturday.  It was a one day class to go over the expectations of labor and delivery.

I feel like I have a lot of knowledge about what's going to go on during the process.  I've done my fair share of reading.  Both books and the Internet. I do have some extra time on my hands during the day, but I feel that even if I didn't, I would still be all over researching what's going on.  Its just my nature.  I need to know, and I need to know now.  And thankfully, technology has given me that!

It amazed me that most of our classmates hadn't really done any research.  They seemed to be clueless in the entire process.  I tried to bite my tongue.  When the teacher asked a question, I tried not to seem like the know it all.  (Even though I knew all the answers).  It was also frustrating to go in circles with questions, and listen to the same ones being asked again and again.  I credit the instructor for her patience with these questions. 

I did get some things out of the class.  It was good to go over what a birth plan is and what the doctors and nurses really need to know. I was most looking forward to the tour, which of course happened at the end.  But I now know where to go when we get there and what types of rooms we can expect to be in. 

We've got two more classes to attend.  A breastfeeding class and a "What to do with the baby when you get home" class.  I'm hesitant, but excited to see how these classes go!

Parental Sacrifies

You would do anything for your child, right?  This afternoon is take 2 of the 4D ultrasound.  The tech suggested I drink from Mt. Dew before I come.  I had Mt. Dew once, back in 90 something, I didn't really care for it.  I haven't had it since.  But given that she highly recommended it, I thought I could give it a try.

After all, I drank that glucose drink twice!

I start drinking soon.  I'm afraid to time it wrong.  I don't want to over stimulate her and then have her crash, but yet I don't want her to be not stimulated yet.  This all feels so weird to do to get some pictures.

If she's anything like me (which we already know she can be), she will be hyped up.  In high school, my friends thought it was fun to watch me drink something call, Surge.  It was Mt. Dew like.  Pretty much all caffiene and sugar.  I would be bouncing off the walls.  My usual quiet and complacent behaviors were gone when I drank that.  I haven't had Surge since high school, and I haven't had full caffeine and sugar since I got pregnant.

This could be an interesting experiement.  I just hope I can be at home when its time to crash and burn!

Wish us luck.  Hopefully we'll get some prettier pictures this time.  I'm nervous!

Carry On

My new favorite song is one by the group Fun.  Its called Carry On. 

Fun reminds me a lot of Queen.  Its not popish, but not totally rockish, its somewhere in between.  It makes me want to dance around in my seat.  Its got great vocals with lots of added instrumental sounds.  I grew up listening to Queen, so I guess that's what draws them to me.

I love the chorus of the song. 

If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone
Carry on
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground
Carry on
If there is one thing I can pass on to Abby (and JJ), its not to give up on your dreams.  No matter how low you are or how far away you feel from them, do not give up.  Just keep going.  I think that chorus reminds me to do that.  You have to keep pressing on. 

Its not always an easy thing to do.  Both Abby and JJ wouldn't be a part of our lives had we not carried on.  I could have easily given up at any point and said it just wasn't meant to be.  But I knew it my heart it was, and I wasn't going to stop until my heart told me otherwise.

There were many times were I felt lost and alone.  Many many times where I felt like I was sinking like a stone.  But I'm very proud to have my past be the sound of my feet upon the ground.

Pineapple

How far along: 31 weeks.  Eeek- just 9 more to go.  Less than all my fingers!


How big is baby:  The size of a pineapple now. 15-16 inches and 2.5-3.5 pounds

Total weight gain:  Too much, I'm sure!

Maternity clothes:  I'm liking the new pair of jeans.  Much more comfy for sitting down.  So glad I went ahead and got another pair.


Sleep:  Its getting uncomfortable to sleep on my back. When I roll over my back hurts from the added stress.


Best moment this week:  Being told I passed the 3 hour glucose test!


Gender: Girl, Girl, Girl!

Craving:  Still sweets.  Gah.  Its horrible at times.  Its it really a craving if you know you have it and you just can't resist it.


Movement:  She's been pretty busy this week.  We played some the other night, and that was so much fun.  She really enjoys the glider.  I thought that would put her to sleep, but instead it gets her going.
Labor Signs:  I noticed a few Braxton Hicks the other day.  After the doctor explained what they felt like, I could tell when I was having them.  I hadn't had much to drink that day, so once I chugged some water they stopped.

Belly Button in or out:  Its still in, I think it went back in some.

Stretch marks: None!

What I miss:  I think I'm going to remove this question.  There isn't anything I miss.  I'm so grateful to be at this point that I'm enjoying even the unpleasantness of it all.

What I am looking forward to:  The follow up to the 4D ultrasound is tomorrow.  I think she has moved, but now I'm afraid she's using the placenta as a pillow. I'll give her a good talking to tonight and get her in gear for her big day.


Milestones:  We completed our birthing class this Saturday. It was all day and it was so frustrating at times.  I guess I'm just to over educated.  I do spend a lot of time researching and learning about what's going to happen during pregnancy and childbirth.  I think I was in a class full of opposites of me.  They really seemed clueless.  But, I'm glad we did it.  It was good to know what options there are available to us, and what to do, and where to go when labor starts.

What they don't tell you.

I've had a lot of people warn me about the uncomfortable things about pregnancy.  The tiredness, the backaches, kicks to the ribs.  But I believe I have discovered something that no one warned me about.

Its called extreme crotch pain!  Like, when I walk I feel like my pelvis is the wishbone from last years Thanksgiving turkey.  I really feel like its going to split into two sometimes. 

Its not pressure, its just uncomfortable bone pain.  In the groin area.  All the time.

I know its just my body getting ready to push the little turkey out.  But somebody could have warned me that my who-ha would hurt like this.  I see now why pregnant women waddle.  Its not from the baby weight, its because your crotch hurts so bad!

Surprise!

The girls I work with threw me a surprise shower last Friday.  I can honestly say that I was completely surprised!  They did a great job at keeping it a secret.  (Although they confessed they didn't give themselves much time to plan, so they didn't have long to hide it).

I was overwhelmed to have people care about me.  I've been at my job almost 10 years.  I've seen the ups and downs.  I've seen people come and go.  I'm quiet and I do my job, so if people don't know me, it doesn't bother me.  It felt special to be recognized. 

There was cake.  Which was decorated with an owl on it.  Flowers, balloons, and punch.  There were presents for Abby. 

I can tell you one reason I was shocked and surprised is earlier that day I have gone over my Babies R Us registry.  I look at it periodically to see if there is something I'm missing or if I change my mind about things.  It just so happens that I didn't scroll far enough to see that something had been purchased.  Most of my other gifts came from Target, which I didn't check that registry that day.  I told myself I would do it later.  Ha!  That was a sign.

I have another shower coming up in a few weeks.  This one is for all the church ladies and friends.  Your traditional southern shower.  I'm getting more and more overwhelmed as that time gets closer.  That means shes closer to being here.  I'm not sure if I'm ready.  I thought this time would take forever, but it really hasn't.

I break into tears periodically thinking about how far we've come for this.  I sit in Abby's room and stare in awe. I cry in the car.  I cry at work.  I cry buying pampers.  I smile when I pat my belly and she kicks back.  I smile bigger when Gene pats my belly and she kicks back.  I think I've disembarked the emotional roller coaster and gotten on the emotional merry go round. 

I'm ok with that.  Small bounces up and down are ok.

Treetrunks

Everyone gushes over how little I look.  I feel like a house.  I've certainly expanded.  I've gained the appropriate amount of weight.  I'm thankful that my face and upper body hasn't blown up.  Which, I think is what people are noticing.

They forget to look below the belly.  To my hips and thighs (aka, my treetrunks).  My legs have blown up!  Its not even funny anymore.  I feel like all my pants are sausage casings.  Wearing dresses are out of the question.  I have to get down on the floor too much at work. 

I finally broke down on Saturday and bought another pair of maternity jeans.  I just couldn't take how the other pair felt tight around my legs.  They were fine for dressing up to go out to dinner, but to sit around the house in, they were awful!  Fall is fast approaching and I needed to do something.  There was no way to survive with just that pair.

I have a small problem though, I'm small.  I'm short. I always have trouble finding pants.  Also, I live in a small area, finding maternity clothing is not easy.  And, most of those places don't sell short or petite length things.  I did the Internet route and it got me the first pair, I wasn't ready to do that again.

I got lucky at Kohl's.  They had one pair of petite pants.  In a size I would rather not share.  I tried them on and they were perfect.  Now, they aren't sexy, but they are comfortable.  And, that's all I care about right now.  I know I will use them for many weeks after Abby gets here, and I don't expect to be putting on any fashion shows at that time.  I'll just be glad to not be in a pair of fat pants (aka pajama pants) everyday.

Hopefully the treetrunks are not here to stay.  Although, I've never had chicken legs.  I would just not to feel like I'm squeezing into my shell every morning when I get dressed.

Bitterly Hopeful

This morning, after my check up, I took a ride up the elevator back to the 4th floor.  That familiar door.  I had emailed Meagan that I was going to stop by.  After all, she was our biggest cheerleader, I felt the need to keep her updated. 

But I also had apprehensions.  I remember what it was like sitting in that office.  Watching pregnant woman come and go.  Although I know they were all high risk patients, it still stung.  I didn't want to be like that to someone.  But I wanted to whisper to them to not give up hope.  Its ok to feel bitter and angry, and hate me all you want.  But please just don't give up on yourself.

I think that desire can be overshadowed with feelings of bitterness and guilt.  I know it often got hidden deep inside of me.  But I'm convinced that I never let it go.  It was hard to bring it back to the surface sometimes.  To think about all the good things that you wanted, when all life what handing you was bad.  Then life changes.

There was only one couple in the waiting room when I got there.  And when Meagan came out to see me, they were at the reception counter.  I was glad that they were right there.  By the time they came back, we were done oohing and ahhing over the ultrasound photo, and we both needed to get back to work. 

I'm not one to flaunt anything, ever. I'm grateful for where we are and how far we've come.  You just can't give up hope.

She's definitely mine

Saturday was her big day.  4d ultrasound day.  I was excited, Gene was excited, JJ was beyond excited.

I followed the instructions and drank something sweet on the way.  Caffeine free Coke.  I thought the real sugar would help her.  I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I tried to shake it off.

We got there, got situated in this big room.  Gene and JJ got comfy on some couches.  I explained that we were having a girl, but additional verification would be great.  She was able to tell us that (and show us that) right away.

Then she started to move around.  First thing she said, "Well, the baby is breech".  Great, ok.  She said its normally not a problem.  Then she said "She's curled up in a tight ball."  She showed us how her hands and feet were up near her face.  She did some pushing around to see if she would move.   Nope!

She then suggested I get up and bounce around.  Ha!  I did some moving and bouncing.  I tried eating a chocolate covered granola bar.  She suggested I bend over and touch my feet, that sometimes that can help stretch them out.  Really?

We started to try again, but she was still balled up.  We gave it a few more minutes and then we pulled the trigger.  She just wasn't into it. 

Thankfully, they agreed to let us come back another time and try again.  I'm just hoping that this time she's more cooperative.  But, I don't blame her.  I like to sleep curled up.  I spent my time in the womb just like that.  I'm a deep sleeper and I'm stubborn like a mule. 

We did get a few print outs and a DVD of everything captured.  Gene has already stated that he's going to show the picture to every boyfriend she brings home.  (Showing him while he's cleaning his gun!)

Lets just hope she gets her act together by next Tuesday!

Cucumber

How far along: 30 weeks

How big is baby:  The length of a cucumber!  15-16 inches long!  That's a big cucumber.  She's also 2.5-3.5 pounds now!

Total weight gain:  Just the right amount

Maternity clothes:  Still getting snug.  Shirts are starting to hang open at the bottom.  I don't like that at all!  I feel so exposed.  I've been wearing camisoles underneath.

Sleep:  The weekends seem to be the worst!  And the crazy, crazy dreams have returned!

Best moment this week:  Watching her dance to music for JJ.  He got such a kick out of that.  Its fun to seem him interact with her.

Gender: Still a girl!  I made sure of it.

Craving:  Sweets, sweets, and more sweets.  I hope I don't rot her teeth before she has any!

Movement:  Minus the scare she gave me last week, she's been moving around.  I was wrong about her placement though.  She's currently breech, with her feet and hands up at my face. 

Labor Signs:  The NST showed that I had one contraction during that time.  I didn't feel it.  The nurse said it was a Braxton Hicks.  I don't know how many of those I'm having, I can't tell.

Belly Button in or out:  Still in, its still got 10 weeks to pop!

Stretch marks: So far, so good.

What I miss:  Sleep would be all right now.  She's not keeping me up.  I think I'm keeping myself up.  I just can't shut my mind off at night.

What I am looking forward to:  Returning to the 4d ultrasound.  I really hope she can cooperate this time to get better photos.  She was so stubborn and I was so mad.  I guess that's parenting.

Milestones:  Still waiting to see if I passed the 3 hour glucose test.  That would be a great milestone!

Here she is, complete with stuff in her face. She's cute though

Tomorrow

Tomorrow I get to see my baby again.  I'm excited and nervous all at the same time.  I nervous that 1) they will tell me she is a he.  Which is ok, but I've already worked so hard on the room.  And 2) that something is wrong with her.  I had a pretty scary dream last night that she wasn't ok.  I remember getting some type of blood vessel scan, and lead levels, and I was given all these pamphlets on how to raise a severely handicapped child. 

I was never so happy for the alarm to go off this morning. That dream followed the dream where I left her unattended on my desk at work and she rolled off and hurt her neck.  She did not die, but she was severely handicapped.  I think my job is getting into my dreams. 

But, I'm mostly excited.  Its been 8 weeks since we've seen her.  JJ will get to be there to see her "in person" for the first time.  He has talked about this all week.  I'm hoping she cooperates.  I know we will get to see something, but I just want it to be the best experience it can be.  I'll drink something sweet beforehand to get her going (although that proved unreliable the other day). 

We get 30 whole minutes with the ultrasound.  I can't wait to see fingers and toes.  To see her face, and nose.  Maybe some hair.  I want to know how she is laying.  (I have an idea, but I want some reassurance that I'm correct).  We should get a bunch of photos to take home with us.  I'll proudly show them off as soon as I can.

Hopefully tonight I can think happy things and have an exciting day tomorrow.

Argh!

I just survived the three hour glucose testing.  I arrived on time.  Ready to be stuck and drink the goo.  When researching doctor google I discovered that the 3 hour test has a higher level glucose drink.  I would still drink the 10 ounces, but it would be 100mg of glucose instead of 50.  And yes, it was like drinking two at one time. And yes, it was just as nasty as the first time.

I chugged that sucker as fast as I could.  I had 5 minutes, but I think it took 2.  I only stopped because I didn't want to gag, or spill it on my shirt.

Then I got to sit in the waiting room for an hour.  At least they had a tv and I brought the ipad.  I entertained myself while the sugar did its thing.  I could feel it.  Having been fasting since dinner time (ok dessert time) it wasn't pleasant to sit there while another pregnant woman down an egg bagel and a Starbucks. 

I also decided to do a little experiment of my own.  I brought along my glucose meter.  I knew that they would be drawing my blood and not be able to tell me anything until it was done at the lab.  I'm too impatient for that.  I checked my fasting level at home, 76.  Not to bad, just what one might expect.

I checked it again at the one hour mark.  198!  Yikes.  No wonder I wasn't feeling well.  I just thought it was scrolling through pinterest that was making my nauseous and dizzy.

I still had to sit and wait.  And people watch in the waiting room.  Lots of pregnant ladies coming in and out.  Some with fresh ultrasounds in there hands.  Some with their spouse.  Some were annoying as crap because they talked too loud and shouted questions at the tv.  (If you would pay attention dumbass you wouldn't have to ask it?!?!)  Some gave more than one of us a chuckle.  (These people have or want to reproduce!)

Hour 2 done.  This time my number was down to 125.  That's better, I guess.  More time with the ipad and words with friends (thanks mom!).  I'll never get off level 20 in Bubble Witch, but I tried my hardest.  I pinned a ton of crap to my pinterests boards.

Finally its hour 3.  My arms are sore, my head is sore, my back is sore.  Level is now just down to 120. Its time to leave the office and get some lunch. 

If Dr. Google was correct, you need to pass 2 out of the 3 hour marks, under 140.  So, technically, if my meter was correct, I should be ok.  But I won't know until they call.  Which probably won't be until Monday, or maybe I'll have to wait till Tuesday at my appointment to ask. 

Either way it doesn't look like I should have any lemonade this weekend!

She's my child

Abby gave me a bit of a scare today.  She wouldn't move.  She was very, very active yesterday morning.  But later into the night, when she's normally active she was quiet.  And then she was quiet this morning.  She normally moves a little while I'm getting ready, and then in the car ride to work.  This morning, nothing. 

So, I bought some OJ from the cafeteria and tried to see if that would arouse her.  Nope.  I laid down on the exam table.  Nothing.  At this point, I had to do some work, so I thought I would monitor it.  I didn't think I felt anything during that time, so I called the nurse.

She told me I could come right over.  Which is the one perk of working next to your doctors office.  The brought me back.  Had me pee in a cup (even though I had just gone, I didn't expect that!).  Took my weight and BP.  Then they took me back and hooked me up to a machine.

 

The nurse carefully wrapped these two blue sensors around my belly.  She turned the machine on.  Silence.  My BP is going up.  She moves the sensor around.  Still silence.  BP is getting higher now.  She moves it again, and voila, we have a heart beat!  This machine monitors the heart rate for twenty minutes.  I'm reclined and given the remote to the tv.  I'm also given a button to push each time I felt movement.

Of course, she moves right away and I feel like a dumbass.  She continues to move for the next twenty minutes.  The nurse periodically checks on me.  When we're done, we see the doctor and she says everything looks normal.  Its ok at this time if I don't feel movement regularly.  They say to start kick counts at 32 weeks.

Ha!  That's not what your book says.  Everything says start counting at 28 weeks.  Its better to be safe than sorry. At least the nurse was sympathetic.

So, Abby is ok.  She was either stubborn, lazy or just quiet. All of those she could have gotten from me.  And really Gene too.  That's the kind of people we are.  We have our moments.  I guess she had one of hers too.

Ahhh! 

Squash

I'm a day late, but yesterday was a holiday and I spent the day on the boat with the family and then taking a nice afternoon nap!

How far along: 29 weeks 1 day

How big is baby:  The size of a butternut squash.  When I saw it was squash this week, I had to remind myself that the little crooknecks we get out of our garden is not what its talking about.  Baby is now 2.5 pounds and 15 inches!

Total weight gain:  Plenty in the hips and thighs

Maternity clothes:  Yes please.  Things are getting kinds snug.  I still have 11 weeks to go, and a lot of growth left.

Sleep:  Two words, Tylenol PM.  That stuff works wonders.  I took some the other night because my back was killing me.  I had the most amazing sleep!  Heaven!

Best moment this week:  Watching the boys put the crib together.  JJ was so excited to help and see it come together.  He is really enjoying this.  I'm glad.

Gender: Girl!

Craving:  Still cereal.  And Sweets.  Although after failing the 1 hour glucose test, I probably shouldn't eat either of those.
Movement:  She's getting pretty active.  Its fun to feel her moving around.  It helps comfort me and lets me know that she's alright in there.

Labor Signs: None, yeah!

Belly Button in or out:  Still in, but stretching out.

Stretch marks: So far, so good.

What I miss:  Again, I really don't miss anything.  I'm so grateful to be at this point.  Every day is a blessing and an enjoyment (even the minor aches and pains).

What I am looking forward to:  The 3D ultrasound is this weekend.  I'm really hoping she cooperates.  I'm also really nervous that they will tell us that she is a he.  Although, the tech was very certain before.  We haven't seen her in almost 10 weeks, so it will be fun to see how much she's changed.  I also can't wait for JJ to see her.  He's going to love it.

Milestones:  I got a lot done in her room this weekend.  The crib and glider are assembled.  The crib skirt is in.  Curtains were hung.  I unpacked and loaded the diaper organizer.  Now I just need to wait till the shower (Oct 6) to finish loading up the room.

I asked

At my last appointment Tuesday, I asked about taking the Celexa.  I had been told that it isn't harmful to take in the third trimester, but there wasn't any scientific studies to show that.  Plenty of women have taken it and had healthy babies.  But, it would be something I would need to decide with the doctor when that time came.

I'll confess that I had been putting it off because I'm scared to go without it.  But, Gene isn't so keen on being medicated, so I thought for his benefit I would ask.  And to my surprise, the doctor told me it would better to stay on it at this point!  She explained that if I went off it right now, my hormones all out of whack, I would be a mess.  And she implied from her experience (having 4 kids) that once the baby comes I will want it even more once the baby comes.  She advised that now is not the time to experiment with the emotional roller coaster.  And, from her knowledge, the harmful period is in the first trimester, when the organs are forming, not now in the third.

It was relieving to hear this.  I don't want to be a mess.  I want to be relaxed and focused on Abby.  Gene has already expressed that he wants me to tell him if I don't feel well once she gets here.  He said to not be ashamed or afraid to speak up, that he knows it can be difficult.  I'm glad that he's already reaching out and acknowledging that.  I will say that I'm very apprehensive right now about how I will handle it.  I will take each day as it is and soak up the miracle that it is. I've tried to tell myself that its ok.

Deep breaths, and just keep swimming.

Mothers intution

I didn't pass the glucose testing.  :(

I scored a 155, the cut off was 140.  I knew it.  I've started to feel like crap after I eat a lot of sugar.  I have a strong family history of diabetes.  And it was thought I might have insulin resistant PCOS. 

So there you have it.

I go back next Thursday to do the three hour screen.  Which means I fast overnight, and then I drink the goo again and sit around the docs office.

I see my days of enjoying cookies and ice cream going away (at least for the next 12 weeks).  I'll do anything to have a healthy baby.

Game on

Today marks a milestone.  It not one any other pregnant woman would consider a milestone, but for me its the beginning of the end. 

College football starts today.  I've always marked the baby's arrival by it being the end of college football season.  So today, the countdown begins.

College football is big in our house.  We are state rivals.  Abby is due the week of the big rivalry game. Gene lives for this time of year.  He loves it.  Saturdays are spent watching games on TV, or tailgating at games.  It involved friends and family.  It signals that cooler weather is on the way. 

For me, each Saturday that passes is one more closer to Abby being here.  I know this time will pass fast.  It always does.  We always seem shocked in November when its over.  I was to savor every minute and enjoy it as much as I can.  I'm ready to hold and snuggle my precious miracle, but I know it needs to happen when the time is right.

I think I'll be drinking a lot of lemonade this fall!

Nesting

Our house has been a constant project.  It started well before we were married.  Gene purchased his grandparent old house and had visions of turning into a quaint little bungalow on the outskirts of town.  It became his passion, and then our passion.

But life had other plans.  The unexpected lay off.  The start up of new business.  The expense of making a baby.  House projects got put on hold.  We finally felt we were at a comfortable point and started things up again. 

A few weeks ago a contractor started reworking our stairs and finishing the trim in the downstairs.  It couldn't have come at a better time in the pregnancy.  I had the energy every day to help clean up the mess and rearrange everything.  It also meant we could start doing Abby's room.  Paint when up, furnishings started to be purchased.  I had the urge and it was STRONG!

The contractors are gone, but there is still somethings for us to complete.  Things need a new coat of paint. Things (lots of things) need touch up paint.  The bookcases aren't complete yet, but will be soon, and then the living room will be done.

Abby's furniture came in last night.  The crib is in pieces waiting to be set up.  The dresser is in its spot.  The glider is still in the box.  I'm hoping this weekend, all things will come together.  All the bedding arrived.  I can't wait to hang curtains and get the crib skirt on the bed.  I can't wait to start arranging nick knacks and organizing diapers, wipes, and other little baby things. 

I can start looking back at my pinterest page and pick out projects that I pinned for her room. 28 down, 12 to go.

Rinse and Repeat

I feel like time has rewound itself.  I can see why they say the second trimester is the greatest.  I've just crossed the cusp into the third, and I already feel like crap.  I'm feeling like I did in the first trimester again.

Where to begin.  Lets start with the insomnia.  Nightly wakes ups that lead to laying there for an hour or so.  At least this time I have someone to keep me company.  She must know I'm awake and she's usually quite active while I try to settle back down.  Its a nice bonding time, but that lost hour really throws off my rhythm.

The crazy dreams have returned.  Those never really went away, but I think they are now more intense like they were in the beginning.  I find things that have occurred in my daily life weaving themselves into some really bizarre dreams. 

The fatigue.  Argh.  I feel like I'm slower than my grandma.  I just don't have the energy to walk much anymore.  Plus, my feet and my knees hurt after a while.  Even just errands can wear me out.  (Gosh I sound so lazy!)

The loss of appetite.  Food just doesn't sound pleasing.  I'm still hungry all the time, I just don't feel like eating.  I also feel like a whale (I'm not going to mention what the scale said today).  I'm trying to not give into every urge for ice cream and cookies.  I'm also getting heartburn regularly so somethings I just don't want to eat because I know I'll pay for it later.

I know I'm in the home stretch.  I'll start to see the OB every two weeks now.  Its still crazy to me to think we've gotten this far already.  In just a few short weeks we be a family of 4!

Truely an Eggplant

I finally found a site that will tell me week by week vegetable updates, rather than just grouping it together.  Silly me for not googling better!


How far along: 28 weeks!
How big is baby:  13.6-14.8 inches long, 1.5-2.2 pounds!

Total weight gain:  Oh my, there is no telling!

Maternity clothes:  Bought a few more shirts this weekend.  Two of them are not maternity, but can be worn right now.  They are big and loose and have elastic around the bottom.
Sleep:  Insomnia and crazy dreams have returned!  I feel like I'm back in the first trimester.  I'll lay awake for a hour or so in the middle of the night, so tired at all. 

Best moment this week:  Getting a massage!  It was an hour of heaven!  I am so tight everywhere, I could have used much more time.  The knot in my right shoulder was very hard to get out.  And lets not go into how tight my hips are.  Owza!

Gender: Girl!

Craving:  Cereal. All kinds.  I could eat it all day long.

Movement:  I think she is developing patterns.  She also loves to move when I eat.  I guess she likes to eat too.  French fries really get her going.  She gets that from her Dad!

Labor Signs: None, yeah!

Belly Button in or out:  Still in.

Stretch marks: None that I've noticed!

What I miss:  I'm not missing much, well, maybe some sleep, but I can get over that.  I know its not going to get any better from here on out!

What I am looking forward to:  3d ultrasound in two weeks.  JJ had to choose between a football game and coming to the ultrasound and he chose the ultrasound.  I can't wait to see his face when he sees her!

Milestones:  All of her bedding has arrived.  It looks so cute.  I can't wait for the crib to come in so I can set it all up!  (I need to call about that and start harassing them!  It should be in already!)

Denial

It's strange to me to have strangers ask about my pregnancy.  I'm always taken a back, like the "How did you know" response.  Of course its my belly, but I guess I just never realized how obvious it would be. 

Those first few weeks were I was desperate to show have now caught up to me.  There is no hiding it anymore.  Some people are complementary about my size, and some just need to shut their pie holes.  Some days I feel big, some days I don't.  My face hasn't changed at all, and I'm not swelling anywhere else, so its all in the front.  I think my hips and thighs are a bit wider over all.  I guess self perception is, well I guess, limited to ones own opinion.  I don't see myself as the cute little pregnant person I thought I would be.  There is a little more around my midsection, but maybe as she continues to grow, it will round out.  If not, that's ok.  I'm going to enjoy the next 13 weeks.

The best moment lately about my size was hearing it from a child.  I passed by her and she got her mom's attention and said "Mommy, that lady has a baby in her belly".

Yes, little girl I do. I do, and I love it.

Eggplant- Book III

How far along: 27 weeks- start of the Third Trimester!

How big is baby:  Still the eggplant, almost 2 pounds (about the weight of a head of cauliflower)

Total weight gain:  After eating too many cupcakes yesterday, I'm not telling!
Maternity clothes:  I'm starting to stretch out now.  There is no looseness in things anymore.

Sleep: Some days are better than others.  I look forward to the weekends, but that always seems to be when I sleep the worst, so maybe I just need to start to going to bed earlier in the week.

Best moment this week:  Feeling her respond to voices and sounds.  I've noticed a lot more movement lately.  Its fun to see what she reacts too.

Gender: Girl!

Craving:  Sweets.  My sweet tooth is out of control. 
Movement: I'm loving it.  She's active in the evenings, which is fun because I can really focus on her.  She seems to like being up odd hours of the night, but lately I seem to be too, so maybe she is just keeping me company.

Labor Signs: None, yeah!

Belly Button in or out:  I'm convinced its not ever coming out.

Stretch marks: Still none. But my line is appearing.

What I miss: I don't really miss anything right now.  I'm enjoying this time.  It seems to be going by so fast.

What I am looking forward to:  My massage is this Friday!  I can't wait.  One hour of pampered bliss.  My shoulders, my back, my legs, they are all looking forward to it.

Milestones:  We got the accent wall painted in her room.  I think it turned out how we wanted.  Its subtle, which I think is the point.  I'm still waiting to hear about the furniture.  They have till Thursday before I start nagging them!  I'm ready to get her room set up! 

Finally a perk!

There aren't many perks at my job.  I've been here almost 10 years.  (Wow!)  They've always made the peons park on the opposite side of campus.  Its been a battle between peons and administration for quite some time, but there isn't anything they can really do about it. 

Some time ago, I abandoned the employee parking deck because my sanity needed it.  I didn't mind the long walk through the campus, but I hated the shenanigans that went on in the deck.  Every morning my blood pressure would boil over because people would hold up the line trying to wait for a spot on a lower level.  Cars would wipe around corners and down ramps, it was an emotional nightmare. 

So I became a perpetual visitor and have never looked back.  Its the best thing I could have done for myself.  I still had a nice little walk, but I was calm and collected when I got to my desk.

Well, one of the perks, really the only perk around here is when you hit your third trimester, you get privileges to park downstairs in the garage!  So, this week I've got to start parking down there.  And, I'm not even to my third tri yet!  The person in charge of that just went ahead and gave me a few extra days.  Its been so nice to just come up the elevator every morning! 

I know I could use the exercise, but at the end of the day when my back is screaming, its been great to be at my car in 2 minutes instead of 8.

I know this will end at some point, so I'm soaking up every minute of this little enjoyment!
Its the little things that make me so happy!

Am I really that bad?

I know I have a lot of anxiety issues.  I'm thankful in the past few weeks that those have been kept to a minimum but I know at any time that can ramp back up, sometimes worse than ever.

Its not a secret that I turned to medication to help me.  I wish I didn't have to, but its made a world of difference.  A few years ago, I struggled with other anxiety problems.  It escalated to the point where eating and sleeping were being disturbed, so I ask for help. A small pill did so much for helping me cope.  I still had the crazy thoughts, but I no longer had the rapid heart rate, increased breathing, and sweaty palms like I did before.  With the help of the medication I was able to recognize those signs and calm myself down better.  And, after just a year, I was able to come off the medicine.

I was surprised to learn that the same medication was safe for pregnancy.  At least up until the third trimester.  And then there isn't science to say it is or isn't safe.  Many women have had successful pregnancies and healthy babies from it.  I jumped at the chance to take the medication again because right away I was seeing myself spiral down like I did before.  The last thing I wanted to do was to spend the next 40 weeks in constant worry.  Depriving my baby of the things is might need and providing it too much unneeded stress.

Gene has always questioned my eagerness to take the medication.  But, we come from different thoughts on medication.  He doesn't take anything, hardly ever, unless its almost life or death.  Back pain, no.  Head cold, no. Not even a band aid!  Me, I'm the opposite.  I know that medication can improve my quality of life and not make me suffer so bad, I'm gonna do it.

Gene has been encouraging me to stop taking the anxiety pills for some time now.  I try not to share my anxiety with him, because I know he just wouldn't understand.  Take for example, feeling movement.  A few weeks ago, I would begin to panic if I hadn't felt anything in a while.  Even though, I know that at that time movement on a regular schedule was rare and everything was probably normal, I still worked myself up to believing the worst.  Also, that strange side pain, or back pain, or did my pee smell or burn that time have me questioning.  I feel like the medicine keeps me from going in the spiral of what ifs and immersing myself in the land of google.  Its hard to explain to anyone who hasn't had these thoughts and feelings on how different you can feel when you are taking the medicine. 

I feel like I want to try to stop taking it, but I'm worried that there are new worries around the corner that I'm not ready for.  I know once she gets here that it will be another constant battle not to stress over things.  I'm scared to death (no pun intended) of SIDS. I'm scared she will be sick and I won't know it.  I'm scared I won't know how to play with her, or soothe her.  (Can you have PPD before you even have the baby?!?)

I don't want to be crazy.  But I don't want to be pressured to give up something that I think helps me. I feel like I'm stuck sometimes.  But I know in my gut that taking the medicine is helping, but I also know that if I give it up I will have the support to get me through my worries.

Lemonade anyone?