Pee Pee in the Potty

If the tantrums don't kill me, potty training will.

Everyone says its easy, you can do it in a day.  Just wait till she shows signs, and give it a go. 

So, Abby was showing interest.  She will go on the potty when you ask her to.  She asked me the other day if she could wear panties.  I thought all of these were signs and decided to jump in and give it a try.

We haven't had a free weekend in a while, and didn't have many coming up soon, so I jumped on the chance to give it try now.  I feel like I've been the one holding back.  I wasn't (and probably am still not) ready to be tied down to finding bathrooms all over the upstate.  But a friend suggested I get a portable potty for my car.  I ordered one and realized it probably isn't too bad, I can keep this in my car, and if she needs to go when we are out (ie... soccer games), I can just pop the back, plop her on the potty, hang a drape while she does her business, and WOW... no public potty germs! 

So with my new portable potty and potty supplies ready to go, I got up the guts to train her.

I had a plan.  After all, I always have a plan.  I am and offspring of two planners.  I prepped with getting salty snacks, lots of M&M's for rewards, and a special sippy cup that lights up.

Saturday morning, after breakfast, we began the potty adventure.  Panties on.  Timer set.  15 minute intervals.  We put The Little Mermaid on and hunkered down with drinks and snacks.  When the timer went off, up to the potty we went.

Initially, Abby did great.  She had one accident early on.  But we cleaned it up, got dry panties on and began again.  Several hours went by and I was impressed that she was doing so well.  She would cooperate with going potty when I took her (sometimes I had to go too, but Mommy got M&M's too).  At lunch we had another accident.  I was trying to wait till we were done eating and pushed the timer back a few minutes.  That was my mistake.  She settled in for a nap, with a pull up on (because I'm not stupid, I know naps and night times will take longer).  I gave myself that time to regroup and plan for the afternoon.

She woke up and she had stayed dry.  She didn't want to potty right away, but after waking up and some convincing she pottied and we got on with the day.  I told her if she could stay dry till after dinner, we would go get a special dessert.  I thought I would throw it out there to her, not holding high expectations.

She wasn't as eager with the potty timer in the afternoon.  She would get mad at me and tell me she didn't NEED to go.  So I went with it, but all the while, stalking her like a hawk for the first signs of peeing.

We didn't have any accidents in the afternoon, so we went to get doughnuts after dinner.  She enjoyed eating her sprinkle doughnut.  Praise, Praise, Praise!

After day one, I was exhausted.  It was hard to bribe her, drag her, coax her, watch her, every second of the day.   I didn't think I had the energy to continue to day two.  But I'm not a quitter.  So I went to bed, ready to persevere the next day.

Day two, similar story.  Get up, get acclimated.  Get out of wet pull up and into dry panties ASAP.  I told her if she kept them dry all day that we would pick out princess panties.  I also didn't hold high hopes for that, but figured if she did it, I could uphold that end of the deal with an afternoon trip out to find princess panties.

But, unfortunately, it didn't last long. 

Sunday she didn't want anything to do with the potty timer.  She didn't want to be dragged to the potty.  And she had an accident.  Which she acknowledged right away.  At least we were outside, so no mess to clean up.  Just take off the wet panties and put on dry ones.  Ok, time to be more vigilant mommy.

We head up to MaeMae and Poppies for a visit.  A change of scenery for everyone.  Abby enjoys showing off her new accessories and trying out their potty.  We have several round of success and then... accident.  I try to pick her up to rush to the potty, but she then pees all over me.  I strip her down and get her dry, but I'm left covered with pee.

At this point MaeMae is making us lunch, so we are stuck there for a while.  I just want to go home, back to our environment where I was making it work.  Chasing Abby around the yard isn't working.
While we were riding bikes at the barn, I heard her toot.  I pick her up and rush her to the potty.  She's screaming "Hurry Mommy, Hurry".  We get to the potty in time for her to poop!  I'm so excited!  What a breakthrough.  I finally feel like I accomplished something.

Then we sit for lunch.  Apparently, I let Abby sit for too long, because she peed in her seat.  At this point I get mad.  I don't have any dry underwear left.  I didn't want to be there anymore.  I wasn't getting any help or support. I slapped a diaper on her bum and took her home for a nap.

Thankfully, she went down without a peep.  But I felt defeated.  This wasn't working.  She wasn't getting it.  I don't know what I was doing wrong.  I called my mom.  She offered some tips (many of which I already tried), but she insisted I needed to stick with it.  She will get it, it will click, just keep trying.  I cringed when nap time was over, not ready to try again, but I knew I needed to keep on.

Back into panties we went. We went outside to play.  I decided to bring out the travel potty so we didn't have to go inside all the time.  I set it up and told her when she needed to pee pee, we could do in it.  She started playing and I saw her holding herself.  I asked her if she needed to potty, she said yes, so to the potty we went.  (right there in the driveway)  And, she peed! 

Lots of praises!!!!

Ten minutes later, I see her doing the same time.  Back to the potty... and she peed!  I explained to her that when she's holding herself, that's the feeling of needing to go and she needs to tell someone. 

Small steps, but big steps.

Then I get a text from her teacher.  I had texted her earlier in the day to tell her we were training and what can I do tomorrow to help with the transition.  I felt we made good progress and I didn't want to lose it.  She told me consistency is key.  But she felt Abby wasn't really showing signs of readiness because she wouldn't verbalize when she needed to go.  She suggested wet shaming (staying in wet undies, but I tried that earlier, and Abby didn't care).  I didn't know how to proceed.  I thought I would send several pairs of undies and outfits and hope for the best.

Then I got another text.  Abby wouldn't be allowed to wear panties until she could verbalize the need to go pee and poop for one entire week. 

WTF!

At that point I broke down.  I felt I had worked so hard all weekend.  I gave up the entire weekend to stay at home and be on pee pee watch.  I felt that putting her back in a pull up wouldn't work. She's been wearing pull ups, but treats them like diapers.  So how is she going to tell you she needs to go, when she knows she can just go in the pull up and it's no big deal.

I felt that I was being punished.  The guidelines and rules weren't shared with me.  In September they said they would handle the potty training.  I was a little upset because I felt it was right of passage to do this as a parent.  But I haven't seen any attempts (other than taking her a few times a day, we reports that she usually goes pee), that training was taking place.  One classmate is trained and several others are in the process.

I also felt defeated because the brand of pull ups I had purchased didn't fit in with their outine.  Apparently the pampers brand do not have sides that can open and close like diapers.  Only the huggies brands do.  So I was told the very large pack I sent (in December) wasn't usable because they didn't have the time to take off her shoes and pants every time she needed a clean one. So last night, at 6pm, I'm being told all my hard work is wasted and I can't use the supplies I have at my house. 

I'm a mess at this point.  Tears, snot, pee covered, exhausted. 

I head to the store to get the proper pull ups.  (I can't send Gene because there are so many brands, I don't want him to get the wrong thing).  I take the short drive to calm myself, get a moment alone.  Regroup and think of the ways we can make this work.

Huggies pull ups happen to have the Little Mermaid on them.  I bring them home and tell Abby about her new pull ups for school.  And how if she can keep them dry all week at school, we can go pick out real princess panties to wear next week.  I just kept telling her to tell someone when she needs to go.  She needs to keep herself dry.

I left the pull ups and a note saying to not use any diapers.  I don't know what's going to happen today.  I'm anxious.  Really anxious.  Almost panic attack anxious.  I want this to work.  I don't want to feel defeated.  I don't want to try again another time.  This was our moment, we need to make it work.

I can only hope they are observant today.  But I don't have hope.  Yesterday she wouldn't speak up.  I would just notice her stopped and standing, holding herself.  I would hope that something clicked and she would speak up. 

I just have to wait and see.

Its only a phase, right?

Things have been just moving along.  We've managed to make it through several months into the terrible two's without much trouble.  We've had ups and downs, but nothing life shattering.

Until last Friday.

Abby has become very demanding, and very resistant to someone telling her she can't have her way.  This usually involves getting dressed, or wanting snacks.  It hasn't been a big problem.  She could be easily redirected or distracted. 

But it appears, all other tactics have failed. 

From the moment we got home at 5:00 on Friday, she whined. "I want this snack, not that snack.  I want this cartoon, not that cartoon.  Daddy went out, I want to go with daddy.  But I don't want to go with Daddy and ride, buckled in my seat.  Daddy came back.  Woody went out and ran away.  Daddy is mad at Woody, Abby is mad at Woody.  I want another snack, I don't want to go out to eat with friends. No, I don't want that salsa, I want that one.  But, that salsa is too hot.  I don't want to sit in this chair, I want to sit in that chair.  I don't want to sit at all, I want to run around.  I don't want to wear my buckle on the way home.  I don't want to listen to Daddy.  I don't want to get my jammies on."

Boom.......

That was the sound of our household blowing up.

Yelling and screaming.  Doors slamming.  And crying, lots of crying.

I took myself outside.  I couldn't handle it anymore.  Everyone was on edge and just tired of the whining and it just exploded.  And then I collapsed.  And I cried.  And I cried. 

Gene and I don't argue.  We don't yell at each other.  We don't fight.  I've always been proud that we can read each other well enough that we don't have to have confrontation like that.  But I had had enough and I yelled.  And I got mad.  And it hurt.

I stood outside, in the darkness, and just let all the emotions out.  It came from deep within.  It was loud and it was strong.  I couldn't stop it.  I don't remember ever crying like that.  A true, deep, painful cry. 

Parenting is the hardest job I've ever done.  There are no rights and no wrongs.  And its all about compromise and communication.  And that evening, we all failed.  It was a spiral, and one I hope we don't have to go down again, but I'm sure we will.  I think we've just touched the edge of the terrible two's and its only going to get more complicated.

But I think I learned a few things.  I learned I need to step away when it gets too much.  Just take a breather.  Let Gene handle it, and handle it how he sees appropriate.  Don't undermind his decisions and override them.  I learned that raising my voice doesn't help anyone, it only hurts, and mostly it hurts me.  I learned that all the patience I did think I had, its not enough. A two year old has more willpower that you could ever imagine.

That evening, after the sonic blow up at 922, I snuggled in the bed with Abby.  She laid next to me and touched my face.  She was charming and sweet.  She smiled and laughed at me.  Its like she knew she had hurt me and she was sorry.  She cuddled with me and told me she loved me.  It was at that moment that I was thankful to be a parent.