Kayne told me I could

I'm ready to go ape shit.  I really can't describe how I feel.  I want to believe I feel different, but then again I don't want it to be made up in my head.

Here's a little phantom symptoms update:  Cramps, come and go.  Again, the more I think about them, the more they are noticeable.  I've felt some right sided tightness and sharper pains.  I've also experienced several episodes of fire crotch.  (That's just what it sounds like, like my crotch is on fire).  Boobs, my left nipple is someone tender, it reacts more to sensitive touching.  Both boobs are not handling under wires few well.  Post nasal drip:  still there and still annoying.  It also seems to get worse as the day goes on.  Bladder: peeing a lot, but I also can hold it for a while, so its hard to tell if I'm peeing more often.  Fatigue:  ehh... about the same as always.  I'm tired during the day, like right now I could lay down and its only 4:00.  I did fall asleep on the couch last night shortly after nine.

Its all in my head right.

I'm refusing to pee on a stick this time around.  I just don't think I can handle the heartbreak.  I don't think I could pull myself together to go to work.  So, I'm going to have my blood work done first thing, and then I'm letting the message go to voicemail.  Then, when I get home, I can listen to it and respond accordingly. 

I haven't had any major breakdowns so far.  I've come close.  Its so hard to describe how you feel and analyze if you feel any different than you did before.  The first cycle was 7 months ago.  A lot has changed with my body since then.  With the frozen cycle, I had high hopes that it worked, even peed early just knowing it was from all the symptoms I was having.  I'm so analytical, I'm so cut and dry that its very hard being in this gray area.  Certainly knowing that its possibly too soon to have any symptoms. 

So, as I said, I'm ready to go ape shit.  That, that, that, that don't kill me, can only make me stronger....