Last night, sitting in the church sanctuary, watching JJ and all the other little children have choir practice, it hit me again.
Cue: crying
The beautiful little voices. They were singing a song about Noah and his Ark. I sang that song. Mostly at summer camp. I loved summer camp. I was a camp lifeguard for two summers. I'm not the most outgoing person, but being a camp counselor was a great way to build my self esteem and help me come out of my shell.
But as I was sitting there, I imagined my own children going to camp, singing this song, having all that fun that I did. I said some prayers that this works, that I don't have to suffer any longer. Watching all those little kids grow up, hoping that some day I would have my own child up there. (Please don't mistake that I love JJ as I would my own, and I have valued every second of our lives together. But my desires at this point are for a baby, and the experience carrying and birthing a baby)
I hope I can make it through today without any meltdowns. I'm not making any promises. Yesterdays E2 was at 366 and my follies looked good. Lead was at 12mm with 10 less that 10 on the left and 15 less than 10 on the right. The ultrasound was beautiful with lots of little follicles. If my calculations (speculations) are correct then I'm over half way done with the needles! Its going to be a long weekend, but I can do this!
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