I've finally decided that the baby weight isn't going to lose itself. "They" tell you that breastfeeding is the best diet ever, and if you breastfeed, the weight will just drop off... Liars!
I gained 33 pounds during the pregnancy. Abby weight 6 and a half. So I really gained 27. I'm still 20 pounds heavier than I was when I got pregnant.
The shock to my self image came when we were at the beach. I hated the way I looked in any of the pictures. I felt like I had an inner tube stuffed under my shirt, and my face was more swollen than when I was 37 weeks pregnant! I just hated everything about how I looked. I knew it was time for a change. I had pulled the wool over my eyes, but enough was enough.
Also around that time, I weaned from breastfeeding, so I knew I couldn't use that as an excuse anymore. The weight wasn't going to fall off
I got the My Fitness Pal app to start tracking calorie intake. What a shocker! When I realized how many calories I should be eating and how many I was actually eating, its no wonder the weight wasn't going anywhere. (Even with the increased caloric intake to support breastfeeding). According to the app, to lose about a pound a week, I needed to eat 1400 calories a day. In the beginning, that sounds like a lot, but it all starts to add up, and quickly.
It's been hard. Its been four weeks now. And I'm hungry... all the time. My biggest problem is lack of exercise. If I increased my exercise, I could eat more calories, and lose more weight. But its hard. By the time I leave work, get Abby, get home, its 5:30-6:00. If I wanted to do the basic, and just walk, I would need to load Abby up and go somewhere. Leaving in the country has its benefits, but its not exercise friendly. At that time of day, I hate doing that. That is our play time. That is the only time we get together during the day. Abby usually eats around 6:30. After that, we make dinner and eat. We get ready for bed and she's been going down by 8:00.
I feel like those 3 hours I get every night are so precious, I don't want to give them up.
I could get up earlier. But I would still have to go somewhere to walk. And I'm not going out on the country streets, in the dark, alone. Gene would have to come with me, and thus Abby. But I'm not going to wake a sleeping baby. She's finally settled into a good routine.
So, the only exercise I get during the day is that walk to and from my car. Which is a good 7 minute walk. So its not nothing, but its not much.
If I want the weight to come off, I feel like I have to starve myself to do it. Its slowly coming off. I've gone down 5 pounds. But I feel like this could be a yo-yo thing. I never thought I ate large portions. I'm not a big person. But the sizes and amounts you should eat, are so small. And everything counts. I am now finding myself asking myself if its worth it. Can I have this piece of candy now, or would I rather have a beer later? If I eat this apple for lunch, I can have a scoop of ice cream in the evening, right?!?
I don't want to become the cray dieter. I don't want to become the yo-yoer. I also know that I will never be my college skinny self again. And I accept that. I do wear my weight as a badge of honor. I know its from hormonal treatments, anxiety medications because everything about pregnancy sent me into a panic attack, its not totally from a bad lifestyle. But I've realized the badge has gotten too large.
So, for now, it looks like I'll be having just water, no lemonade.
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