How long has this one been here?

I went to the dermatologist last week.  Its something I've been putting off for a long time, a really long time.  But I decided that enough is enough and I made an appointment. (That's the first step right?)

I went with a few curious moles in mind.  They had appeared at some point, and I wanted piece of mind.

I met with the PA. She was a nice woman.  Slightly older than me, tall, and had great skin (go figure!).

I explained to her why I was there and she told me she would look me over from head to toe. 

We talked while she looked.

She got to my abdomen, and stopped.  She asked, "What about this one, how long has it been there?"

That was not one of  my curious ones.  I didn't know about that one.  It didn't look much different than some of the others.  It was black, round, about the size of  pen tip. 

She said she didn't like the looks of it.  She wouldn't say what it was or if it was anything.  I know they don't want to tell you something and then it be different.  I tell patients that all day long.  I know its a fine line of trying not to freak someone out, but making sure they are well informed of the potential possibilities.

But I can't help but freak out.  It will be a week tomorrow.  They said the biopsy could take 2 weeks or more.

She hinted that she didn't think it was much of anything, but you NEVER know.  And right now I don't know and I'm worried.  It doesn't help that I'm no longer on the anxiety meds.  I haven't reached pinnacle points like I have in the past.  I'm still eating, I haven't broken out in a sweat thinking about it, but it is on my mind, a lot.

Its my own fault.  I've delayed this for a long time.  I've been careless in the sun, more than once.  I lived in the pool as a child, and I hardly ever remember putting on sunscreen.  I worked as a lifeguard and I don't think I used sunscreen the entire summer.  (I told myself that once I tan, I don't burn).

Who knows if I've done any damage.  We will have to continue to wait and see.  This is certainly a scare enough to make sure that I'm protected in the sun, as well as everyone else that I love.  Its not that hard to apply sunscreen.  Especially with the spray on kind.

I just need to take deep breathes.