The cat's out of the bag

So pretty much the whole town knows now.  I knew it would happen sooner or later.  I'm still anxious about it.  I'm not sure I'll ever not be anxious. 

Gene's been eager to tell since I peed on the stick.  We of course told our families first, and the few close friends that knew about our struggles. I convinced Gene to wait to tell others, including JJ.  After our first OB appointment, I felt like we were over a larger part of the hurdle, so I agreed we could tell JJ.  I also didn't want to keep the secret anymore.

We knew at that point that people would start to hear about it.  Immediately a few more close friends found out.  At that point, I decided I wouldn't deny it, but I wasn't going to brag about it.  I'm really a shy person.  I don't like attention drawn to myself.  I'm not going to blab it out in general conversation.

Last night we were hanging out with more friends.  (The circles get bigger the further you go from the core.  This was the outer rim group).  Us ladies were talking about lady things, lady parts and such, and those monthly things we endure.  The one friend nodded at me like she wanted to say something, but wanted my approval first.  I agreed and she made a subtle comment that I wouldn't have to worry for a few months about all that stuff. 

It was well received and lots of questions were asked. It felt ok to have people know, but I'm still worried.  And, I don't like being the center of attention, so its always awkward for me to have people fawn over me. 

The one mom told me her kids had been asking her if I was ok.  I found it odd that they could pick up on it.  I've had several other people tell me as well that I've appeared different.  I don't think I've changed.  Well, besides my expanding tummy, which got its first pat last night.  (Thanks for patting my bloat man!)  I've heard I have that glow.  I think that's really just the sunburn from soccer. 

Gene has told me I laugh a lot more.  He thinks its cute to watch me watch a comedy on tv.  I guess deep down inside I am happy.  I just have that tough outer layer of anxiety that only I can feel.

I can't wait for Friday.  I am eager to see how much Olive has changed in the three weeks since we've seen each other. I hope the days go by fast.  I have a lot to keep me busy over the next few days, so I'm thinking they might. 

I'll reach the end of the first trimester next week.  I might celebrate with a glass of lemonade.