Pee Pee in the Potty

If the tantrums don't kill me, potty training will.

Everyone says its easy, you can do it in a day.  Just wait till she shows signs, and give it a go. 

So, Abby was showing interest.  She will go on the potty when you ask her to.  She asked me the other day if she could wear panties.  I thought all of these were signs and decided to jump in and give it a try.

We haven't had a free weekend in a while, and didn't have many coming up soon, so I jumped on the chance to give it try now.  I feel like I've been the one holding back.  I wasn't (and probably am still not) ready to be tied down to finding bathrooms all over the upstate.  But a friend suggested I get a portable potty for my car.  I ordered one and realized it probably isn't too bad, I can keep this in my car, and if she needs to go when we are out (ie... soccer games), I can just pop the back, plop her on the potty, hang a drape while she does her business, and WOW... no public potty germs! 

So with my new portable potty and potty supplies ready to go, I got up the guts to train her.

I had a plan.  After all, I always have a plan.  I am and offspring of two planners.  I prepped with getting salty snacks, lots of M&M's for rewards, and a special sippy cup that lights up.

Saturday morning, after breakfast, we began the potty adventure.  Panties on.  Timer set.  15 minute intervals.  We put The Little Mermaid on and hunkered down with drinks and snacks.  When the timer went off, up to the potty we went.

Initially, Abby did great.  She had one accident early on.  But we cleaned it up, got dry panties on and began again.  Several hours went by and I was impressed that she was doing so well.  She would cooperate with going potty when I took her (sometimes I had to go too, but Mommy got M&M's too).  At lunch we had another accident.  I was trying to wait till we were done eating and pushed the timer back a few minutes.  That was my mistake.  She settled in for a nap, with a pull up on (because I'm not stupid, I know naps and night times will take longer).  I gave myself that time to regroup and plan for the afternoon.

She woke up and she had stayed dry.  She didn't want to potty right away, but after waking up and some convincing she pottied and we got on with the day.  I told her if she could stay dry till after dinner, we would go get a special dessert.  I thought I would throw it out there to her, not holding high expectations.

She wasn't as eager with the potty timer in the afternoon.  She would get mad at me and tell me she didn't NEED to go.  So I went with it, but all the while, stalking her like a hawk for the first signs of peeing.

We didn't have any accidents in the afternoon, so we went to get doughnuts after dinner.  She enjoyed eating her sprinkle doughnut.  Praise, Praise, Praise!

After day one, I was exhausted.  It was hard to bribe her, drag her, coax her, watch her, every second of the day.   I didn't think I had the energy to continue to day two.  But I'm not a quitter.  So I went to bed, ready to persevere the next day.

Day two, similar story.  Get up, get acclimated.  Get out of wet pull up and into dry panties ASAP.  I told her if she kept them dry all day that we would pick out princess panties.  I also didn't hold high hopes for that, but figured if she did it, I could uphold that end of the deal with an afternoon trip out to find princess panties.

But, unfortunately, it didn't last long. 

Sunday she didn't want anything to do with the potty timer.  She didn't want to be dragged to the potty.  And she had an accident.  Which she acknowledged right away.  At least we were outside, so no mess to clean up.  Just take off the wet panties and put on dry ones.  Ok, time to be more vigilant mommy.

We head up to MaeMae and Poppies for a visit.  A change of scenery for everyone.  Abby enjoys showing off her new accessories and trying out their potty.  We have several round of success and then... accident.  I try to pick her up to rush to the potty, but she then pees all over me.  I strip her down and get her dry, but I'm left covered with pee.

At this point MaeMae is making us lunch, so we are stuck there for a while.  I just want to go home, back to our environment where I was making it work.  Chasing Abby around the yard isn't working.
While we were riding bikes at the barn, I heard her toot.  I pick her up and rush her to the potty.  She's screaming "Hurry Mommy, Hurry".  We get to the potty in time for her to poop!  I'm so excited!  What a breakthrough.  I finally feel like I accomplished something.

Then we sit for lunch.  Apparently, I let Abby sit for too long, because she peed in her seat.  At this point I get mad.  I don't have any dry underwear left.  I didn't want to be there anymore.  I wasn't getting any help or support. I slapped a diaper on her bum and took her home for a nap.

Thankfully, she went down without a peep.  But I felt defeated.  This wasn't working.  She wasn't getting it.  I don't know what I was doing wrong.  I called my mom.  She offered some tips (many of which I already tried), but she insisted I needed to stick with it.  She will get it, it will click, just keep trying.  I cringed when nap time was over, not ready to try again, but I knew I needed to keep on.

Back into panties we went. We went outside to play.  I decided to bring out the travel potty so we didn't have to go inside all the time.  I set it up and told her when she needed to pee pee, we could do in it.  She started playing and I saw her holding herself.  I asked her if she needed to potty, she said yes, so to the potty we went.  (right there in the driveway)  And, she peed! 

Lots of praises!!!!

Ten minutes later, I see her doing the same time.  Back to the potty... and she peed!  I explained to her that when she's holding herself, that's the feeling of needing to go and she needs to tell someone. 

Small steps, but big steps.

Then I get a text from her teacher.  I had texted her earlier in the day to tell her we were training and what can I do tomorrow to help with the transition.  I felt we made good progress and I didn't want to lose it.  She told me consistency is key.  But she felt Abby wasn't really showing signs of readiness because she wouldn't verbalize when she needed to go.  She suggested wet shaming (staying in wet undies, but I tried that earlier, and Abby didn't care).  I didn't know how to proceed.  I thought I would send several pairs of undies and outfits and hope for the best.

Then I got another text.  Abby wouldn't be allowed to wear panties until she could verbalize the need to go pee and poop for one entire week. 

WTF!

At that point I broke down.  I felt I had worked so hard all weekend.  I gave up the entire weekend to stay at home and be on pee pee watch.  I felt that putting her back in a pull up wouldn't work. She's been wearing pull ups, but treats them like diapers.  So how is she going to tell you she needs to go, when she knows she can just go in the pull up and it's no big deal.

I felt that I was being punished.  The guidelines and rules weren't shared with me.  In September they said they would handle the potty training.  I was a little upset because I felt it was right of passage to do this as a parent.  But I haven't seen any attempts (other than taking her a few times a day, we reports that she usually goes pee), that training was taking place.  One classmate is trained and several others are in the process.

I also felt defeated because the brand of pull ups I had purchased didn't fit in with their outine.  Apparently the pampers brand do not have sides that can open and close like diapers.  Only the huggies brands do.  So I was told the very large pack I sent (in December) wasn't usable because they didn't have the time to take off her shoes and pants every time she needed a clean one. So last night, at 6pm, I'm being told all my hard work is wasted and I can't use the supplies I have at my house. 

I'm a mess at this point.  Tears, snot, pee covered, exhausted. 

I head to the store to get the proper pull ups.  (I can't send Gene because there are so many brands, I don't want him to get the wrong thing).  I take the short drive to calm myself, get a moment alone.  Regroup and think of the ways we can make this work.

Huggies pull ups happen to have the Little Mermaid on them.  I bring them home and tell Abby about her new pull ups for school.  And how if she can keep them dry all week at school, we can go pick out real princess panties to wear next week.  I just kept telling her to tell someone when she needs to go.  She needs to keep herself dry.

I left the pull ups and a note saying to not use any diapers.  I don't know what's going to happen today.  I'm anxious.  Really anxious.  Almost panic attack anxious.  I want this to work.  I don't want to feel defeated.  I don't want to try again another time.  This was our moment, we need to make it work.

I can only hope they are observant today.  But I don't have hope.  Yesterday she wouldn't speak up.  I would just notice her stopped and standing, holding herself.  I would hope that something clicked and she would speak up. 

I just have to wait and see.

Its only a phase, right?

Things have been just moving along.  We've managed to make it through several months into the terrible two's without much trouble.  We've had ups and downs, but nothing life shattering.

Until last Friday.

Abby has become very demanding, and very resistant to someone telling her she can't have her way.  This usually involves getting dressed, or wanting snacks.  It hasn't been a big problem.  She could be easily redirected or distracted. 

But it appears, all other tactics have failed. 

From the moment we got home at 5:00 on Friday, she whined. "I want this snack, not that snack.  I want this cartoon, not that cartoon.  Daddy went out, I want to go with daddy.  But I don't want to go with Daddy and ride, buckled in my seat.  Daddy came back.  Woody went out and ran away.  Daddy is mad at Woody, Abby is mad at Woody.  I want another snack, I don't want to go out to eat with friends. No, I don't want that salsa, I want that one.  But, that salsa is too hot.  I don't want to sit in this chair, I want to sit in that chair.  I don't want to sit at all, I want to run around.  I don't want to wear my buckle on the way home.  I don't want to listen to Daddy.  I don't want to get my jammies on."

Boom.......

That was the sound of our household blowing up.

Yelling and screaming.  Doors slamming.  And crying, lots of crying.

I took myself outside.  I couldn't handle it anymore.  Everyone was on edge and just tired of the whining and it just exploded.  And then I collapsed.  And I cried.  And I cried. 

Gene and I don't argue.  We don't yell at each other.  We don't fight.  I've always been proud that we can read each other well enough that we don't have to have confrontation like that.  But I had had enough and I yelled.  And I got mad.  And it hurt.

I stood outside, in the darkness, and just let all the emotions out.  It came from deep within.  It was loud and it was strong.  I couldn't stop it.  I don't remember ever crying like that.  A true, deep, painful cry. 

Parenting is the hardest job I've ever done.  There are no rights and no wrongs.  And its all about compromise and communication.  And that evening, we all failed.  It was a spiral, and one I hope we don't have to go down again, but I'm sure we will.  I think we've just touched the edge of the terrible two's and its only going to get more complicated.

But I think I learned a few things.  I learned I need to step away when it gets too much.  Just take a breather.  Let Gene handle it, and handle it how he sees appropriate.  Don't undermind his decisions and override them.  I learned that raising my voice doesn't help anyone, it only hurts, and mostly it hurts me.  I learned that all the patience I did think I had, its not enough. A two year old has more willpower that you could ever imagine.

That evening, after the sonic blow up at 922, I snuggled in the bed with Abby.  She laid next to me and touched my face.  She was charming and sweet.  She smiled and laughed at me.  Its like she knew she had hurt me and she was sorry.  She cuddled with me and told me she loved me.  It was at that moment that I was thankful to be a parent.

730

Its been 730 days or 104 weeks, since Abby was born. That calculates to 2 years.  Yes 2 years!!

Where has the time gone.  I would have never thought it would have gone this fast. It really does seem like yesterday that we were riding home from the hospital.  Although, I really do love this stage more than any of the infants stages.

Abby is still petite.  I don't have an exact weight, but she was recently weighed in at 22.5 pounds.  She wears 18 month clothes.  And pants are too big if they don't have tabs.  I don't know height yet, but we get measured next week when we go for her check up.  She's my petite peanut and always will be.

She has 14 teeth, with two more canines coming through soon.  She looks so cute with a mouth full of teeth.  All that will be left is the two year old molars.  I don't suspect those for a while, given the delay in all the other teeth.  Once all the teeth are in, I will take off the amber necklace and put it away.  I can't say that it has or hasn't been helpful.  She hasn't had too much trouble with teeth, so I don't know if that's why or if that's just her.  I wasn't going to take it off and see what happens!

She's still a good eater.  Although recently she will push her plate away and say she doesn't like something.  At which point she is fine not getting anything else to eat.  I'm not worried she is going to starve.  And sometimes, she comes back around when she seems one of us eating it.  Her favorites are still cookies.  She loves pizza, spaghetti, green beans, pancakes, peanut butter, chocolate milk, apple juice, cheese, yogurt, hamburgers, french fries, ice cream, toast, and M&M's. She never eats a large amount, but you can tell when she really likes something because she will eat it quickly.

Her personality is still emerging and its a joy to watch.  She is so much like Gene and me its crazy!  She is creative.  She is intuitive.  She is a quick learner with a sharp memory.  She is easy going (most of the time... she does like routine.. and does have moments).  She is loving.  She is not shy around those that she knows.  She is always a hit a soccer games because she just travels from parent to parent. She is inquisitive and recognizes when things have changed.  "What dis"  "What dat"  I know "Why" is not too far off in her vocabulary.

Her stuffed monkey, Mimi, and her blanket are still prized possessions.  Paci is a strong contender at home.  I think soon, we will do away with all the paci's.  I think they have helped soothe her while teething, and once that is all done, we will say goodbye to the pacis.  I have heard several ideas on how we can do that, I just need to decide what's best for Abby.

She is almost potty trained.  She will sit and peepee on her potty.  She knows she gets a treat for pottying. And no treat when she does nothing.  She loves to celebrate her pottying and is a big fan of streaking through the house to tell you so!  I feel that very soon we will be done with diapers and into panties.  Its one last bit of babyhood that I'm holding on to.

She is very vocal.  She loves to talk to you.  She carries on conversations with you.  She can tell you things about her day, her friends, events that have happened.  She can count to 10.  She can say the ABC's.  She knows nursery rhymes.  She uses sentences. 

She sleeps well.  She goes down to bed easily at night.  I think forming a routine has helped.  She mostly sleeps through the night.  Sometimes, if she hasn't felt well, she will wake up and need to be held for a minute before going back down.  She always gets up with a smile on her face.  Its nice to hear her babbling on the monitor on the days we don't have to get up early.

She loves her brother.  She thinks he is the best playmate.  They enjoy playing soccer.  They play hide and seek.  They read books and play computer games. I love watching their relationship flourish and grow.  She doesn't understand why he isn't there sometimes.  It doesn't seem to bother her yet, but I know there will come a time when it hurts her.

Shes come a long way in 730 days.  She is still a joy and I love her with all my heart.  I am thankful for having her in my life and amazed every day that I made her.  She is my blessing and miracle.

Happy Halloween

I had a hard time deciding what Abby should be for Halloween.  I'm sure she would be fine with anything, but I wanted it to be something that fit her.  I loved the idea of her being Cookie Monster, but she's not big in Sesame Street yet, and I was afraid that she wouldn't want to wear the cookie monster hood, making her then just a blue blob.  (I also was concerned about the temperature, because it has been known to be hot on halloween).

I thought about making her a cat.  She loves cats.  But I didn't like any of the cat costumes I saw. 

She recently has become interested in watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  She asks for "Minnie Mouse".  So it seemed fitting to dress her as minnie mouse.

She did great wanting to wear the costume.  She even knew she had to keep the ears on.  We practiced for weeks to say Trick or Treat.

She got good experience the day before at Daycare.  They did a dress up day and trick or treated from classroom to classroom.  She seemed to enjoy it and was ready for Halloween.

We got dressed in the costume a little early.  I was afraid it would be on too long and she would want to take it off before we even got to Brown Avenue, but she did great. We had to dress in layers because it was chilly.  But she didn't seem to mind the extras. 

We started at First Baptist, trunk or treat.  It was more for show and tell than for candy getting.  Shirley had a great time taking her from car to car, showing her off. She enjoyed riding the train around the parking lot.  I was impressed that she patiently waited her turn.  Then she got on with no problems and rode around without a peep.

We walked up Brown Avenue to a few houses.  I wasn't going to bother going to all of them.  I just wanted the people who know her to see her.  She was very shy, but smiled and seemed to enjoy it.

She loved getting candy in her pumpkin and enjoyed eating it at the end of the night. Joejee also enjoyed eating the candy that she got. 

Its fun watching her grow and enjoy these holiday events more.  Its making me very excited for Christmas.

T-I-G-E-R-S

Every year, the rowing alumni plans a weekend to get together.  Last year, after the Georgia game was a disaster with Abby, I opted out.  But this year, I was determined to go, and show her off.

I worried leading up to the day that she wouldn't be able to handle it.  Its a long day for anyone, and I couldn't imagine how it would be for a toddler.  The game was a 3:30, so that meant she probably wouldn't take a nap.

She did sleep some on the ride there.  It took us just under an hour to get there, so she did get some sleep in.  Thankfully this year, the weather was nicer to us.  It was cool and breezy.  We were able to get by with pants and long sleeves and be comfortable.

Abby learned quickly where all the sweet snacks were at the tailgate.  She ate more cookies, cupcakes, and brownies that day, but she was being content, so I let it go.

She travelled well from tailgate to tailgate.  She looked so cute in her cheerleader outfit.  She got many comments from many fans.

I was worried that she wouldn't like the noise in the stadium.  But, she did very well.  She even started to dance to the music of the band.  She would clap along and jump up and down.

I could tell she was tired, but she was holding on.  She would put her head down every once in a while, but the noise would start up and she would perk up.

We ended up leaving around 8, and she was asleep before we even got off campus. 

I couldn't have been happier at how good she was and how easy she made it.  Joejee was also there to help and that made it easier too.  Abby really enjoyed having Bubbie along for the adventure.

It makes me thankful that I have the ability to do something like this.  It isn't that far for us so its easy to get up and go.  And we have many friends who are there, so we can spend the day travelling around and not feel tied down to one place.

I'm already looking forward to next year!

HFM

We have been doing so good about not getting sick.  But, its getting to be that time of year.

Two of Abby's classmates had been out, so I knew something was up.  And we would most likely catch it.

And, we did. 

I got a call Friday morning that Abby wasn't well and I needed to come get her.  They said she was fussy and had several sores in her mouth.

Ewww...

So I knew it was probably Hand, Foot, and Mouth. 

I left work.  Called the pediatrician on the way and left a message, wanting to know does she need to come in, or what should we do.

I have to say that I'm very pleased with the pediatricians office.  They are always very good about returning your phone calls.  It takes me 20 minutes to get from work to the daycare and she called me back before I got there.

She told me, it sounded like HFM, and at that point there wasn't anything we could do except let it run its course.  Since the blisters had already shown up, the virus was out of her system.  We just needed to make sure she was drinking and wetting.  She could have ibuprofen as needed for discomfort. 

I picked Abby up and she seemed herself.  She was excited to be going home with Mommy.  She had been drooling a lot, but she's cutting her eye teeth, so I suspected that's what it was.  I never looked around her gums, but sure enough there were several red spots. She was a little warm, but no fever.

She ate lunch at home and took a good nap.  She was peppy and perky the rest of the weekend.  She didn't show any signs of blisters on her hands or feet.  Although they say it could take a few days to appear, so I keep checking. 

She didn't like eating her pizza or ketchup, but everything else seemed ok to her.  She did show me she had a new ulcer on the side of her mouth.  I encouraged her to drink her milk to soothe it and try to chew on the other side.

Its just one more thing we can mark off that we've gotten.  And that we've survived.

Biological Warfare

Gene and I were at an event Saturday night.  A friend of ours came up to talk to us.  We are in several  circles together, we see each other often, we've even vacationed together.  But, we aren't BFF's, but good friends. 

He, of course, thinks Abby is an angel.  And asks about her all the time.  So he asked when we were going to have another one. I tell him we seem kinda busy with the two that we have.  He then tries to say that doesn't count.  Abby needs a sibling.  And I tell him, she has one. 

And then he says it...

You need to have another biological child.

***record screeches***

Excuse me?

I look at Gene and he is just as dumbfounded as me.  So he can see I'm upset.  That this man thinks that Joejee isn't MY son. So Gene tries to smooth things over  and he repeats the same thing to Gene. 

WTF!

Just because Joejee isn't genetically Gene's, he is still his son 100%.  And this educated douchebag should know better.

But wait.. it gets better.

So then he starts joking with us say, "It wasn't that bad was it?"  Suggesting maybe my reasoning for not bearing more children was related to Abby being a bad baby.

At that point Gene walked away.  Making an excuse for something.  Just to get away.  I needed to too.

No, Abby was not a terrible baby.  But getting there was a terrible experience.  One I'm not willing to do again.  Or even get on and "see what happens".  And there are several other reasons on why we are choosing not to have more.  And it's none of anyones business. 

I know his wife would be appalled if she knew what she said.  She couldn't have biological children herself.  They went down the fertility road, but never went past the front gate because it was decided that her step children were enough for her.  I know this because she's shared it openly with a group of women years ago. 

Not many friends know of our struggles, and that's something that will change as time goes on.  Those wounds are healing, so I'm getting more comfortable with sharing. But it still hurts to be reminded of it.