Back to the Grind

It's been 12 weeks since my last post.  How do I know that?  That's how old my baby is. 

I thought I could find the time at home to post.  To jot down my thoughts on motherhood.  To document Abby's development.  But as any new parent could tell you, there just wasn't time.  Most of the day I didn't have a computer and the ipad keyboard annoys me, so I gave up trying.  I started a post on her birth and will get that up soon.  I hope to document a backlog of ideas in my head. 

I'm now back at work.  Which is sad.  I miss her.  I miss her a lot.  I didn't think I would want to be a stay at home mom.  I didn't know what I would do all day.  But now that I've seen how wonderful it is, its very hard to go back to working.  I loved not having a set schedule.  We developed a routine, but everything was loose and accommodating to both our needs.  I never once set an alarm.  We would spend the mornings snuggling.  We would run errands in the afternoon.  We would pick JJ up from school.  There was plenty to do to fill my day.  And some days, it was great to not have to do anything.

I dropped her off at daycare this morning.  It was easier than I thought it would be.  I've cried about it for the past week.  She was sleeping when we left her, so it made it easier.  I've been staring at the clock waiting for the time to come to leave.  I didn't cry on the way into work.  It made me realize that it wasn't leaving Abby that upset me, it was having to come back to work.  I like my job, but it was so nice not having to do a job.  I loved my job as a mommy.  I loved helping Gene in the shop.  Its a shock to come back to the same old grind. 

Everyone is glad I'm back but me.  I'm hoping in the future we can work something out to go part time.  The only factor holding me here is health insurance.  Private health insurance is just something we can't afford right now.  I think its ridiculous that people are encouraged to become entrepreneurs and small business owners, but to do that you have to give up the benefits of corporate America.  I'm hoping that the day will come when we have that option.  And that it doesn't come too late. 

I'm ready to go back to being a full time mommy.