Last summer some friends of ours invited us to join them on a couples only, adult, all inclusive vacation. To some place warm and tropical. We were all in, of course! It sounded heavenly. I knew it would be hard to be away from Abby, but I put it in the back of my mind. She would be fine. She won't remember it, and she does so well being around others.
The time came closer to travel and I began to have a pit in the bottom of my stomach. It may have been from people asking me how I was going to handle it, it may have been the three days I got to spend at home with her on snow days. I don't know what it was, but it was beginning to eat me.
The night before we left I didn't sleep. I tossed and turned. I cried. I went to work, suffered through the day. I didn't eat much. I knew when we got home, it was time. I cried on the way home from work.
I met Abby as the door, with my mom standing there to greet me. I went over a few last minute things with her. Abby tugged at my legs to pick her up. I tried to ignore her, I didn't want her to get attached when it was time for us to go. I managed to break away from her and make it to the car. As Gene drove us away and I saw Abby waving in the window, I cried again.
I knew she would be fine. I knew I would be fine. We needed the time away. But I just couldn't get over it.
As the miles past and the closer we got to Atlanta, the more relaxed I got. Its done, I'm gone.
We met all of our friends at the hotel. It was great to see everyone so happy, so I put on my happy face. I didn't hide it well because they all could tell I missed her already. I made it through the first night. We chatted through text at the airport, and of course everything was fine.
We boarded the plane. And then we were off. And it hit me again. I was leaving my baby. I wasn't going to be close. If something happened, I wouldn't be right there. But there wasn't anything I could do. I took a few deep breathes and told myself I needed to relax. She will be ok, I will be ok, I don't need this to ruin the entire week.
When we arrive at the resort, I immediately linked to the WiFi. But it wasn't working. Again, another pit in my stomach. This was suppose to be my link. I asked the concierge about it, and they said it should be resolved shortly.
We met everyone for dinner. Everyone asked how I was handling it. (The question I would begin to hate over the week!). I was very surprised after dinner to find several texts and photos on my phone! WiFi was restored and this Mama was happy! I was able to check in, and that made me feel so much better.
We continued to connect throughout the week. We face timed several times. That also helped me, a lot. Abby didn't seem phased that we weren't there. She was happy and content with Nana and Dodah. I felt my stomach unknot. The rest of the week was relaxing.
I was ready to come home. It only made it worse that we were delayed. Then it took longer than we realized to get back through customs and back to our car. It was a long day of travel. There wasn't anything more I wanted than to see Abby, even at midnight.
I picked her up from MaeMae and Poppies and took her home. She was very confused. She just looked at me. Didn't make a peep. She went back to sleep easily. She woke up a few hours later, looking for her pappy, so I went to help her. Again, she was confused. We rocked and cuddled in the chair. She looked up at me and said " Mama". I told her yes, it was mama. I was home. Again I cried. I laid her back down and headed back to bed myself.
In the morning, she realized what had happened. Gene got her up. He made coffee for me and brought it and her to me in bed. Her face lit up. "Mama" "Mama" "Mama" It was blessed happiness for both of us.
I know we will take more adult only trips in the future. I know it will help me that I've already done it, and survived. I don't regret leaving her. She was left in good hands and she had a great time. I'm thankful for all the support we had in order to be able to get away. Grandparents are wonderful.
I hope it gets easier in the future. She will be a little more cognisant of us being gone, so it might be different. But she's a trooper. (She gets that from me!)
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