Panic at the Disco

Its back.  The panic, the anxiety.  The giant elephant.  The cleansing of the bowels. 

I've got two weeks till the anatomy scan.  I'm currently 19 weeks and 1 day.  I'm starting to feel movement, I think.  But its not consistant.  Sometimes its flutters, sometimes its popcorn, sometimes it really tickles.  However, I can not elicite it.  I can poke and prode all over and nothing.  If I feel it moving and I touch it, it stops.  It happens at random times of the day.  Sometimes with food, sometimes no.

I don't know if its just a stubborn baby, or something else.  Maybe she's just sleepy all the time, like her Mama.

I know things will get more consistant as time goes on.  I just felt like things were progressing but now they are at a standstill. I just more signs that things are ok.  I know my chances of problems are really slim right now, but they still exist.  And therefore, I'm still worried.

I've considered getting a doppler.  Although I said I wouldn't.  I think it might help ease my mind, but I don't want it to seem frivolous.  Its not outrageous, but its not cheap.  Sometimes I think I can make it till the next appointment, but times like right now, I just don't know if I can.  I seems to be the down times that draw my mind to it.  Its hard to keep busy at work sometimes, so daydreaming happens often.  There is also a lot of time to mentally dwell on things. 

*sigh*

I'm almost to half way.  I think I can, I think I can.