I got the official word yesterday that Abby will be moving up to the Older Infant class on the 19th. I'm not ready for this. This is suppose to happen when she's a year old. I've still got three months to prepare myself.
They are moving her now, because there is a large group of them at this stage and they would like to keep them together. I know this is what's right for Abby. Developmentally this is the best thing. She will be with kids and teachers that can teach her new things. But I'm just sad that she's leaving the baby room.
I love her room teachers. Even though Peggy left a few weeks ago. They are always so sweet with her. I know every teacher will be like that, but this is the first non family member I trusted with my childs care. They know her, I know them, they know me.
Mostly, I am just stubborn to change. I always have been, and I certainly hope this isn't a trait I passed on to Abby. So the best thing I can do is suck it up and put a smile on my face.
I get to meet the new teachers next week, and take a peek at her room. Its just next door to her old room. It sounds like it will be a little more structured. Which I guess she is starting to need. I'm hoping there is some flexibily. I feel like she is still young and still has needs. The schedule only lists one nap time, and she does better with two. It does say they will nap, change, and feed, as needed for each child, but I just don't want Abby to be the burden or the outlier. I know that's just my crazy mom brain and it won't be that way. I know initially taking her there I laughed at their "schedule" but she really has molded well to their schedule. Whatever crazy thing that might be.
Argh... somebody hold me.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Monday, August 5, 2013
9- yes 9!
Its that time again. And once again, I can't believe it. My baby girl is 9 months old, today! I held a newborn the other day and its was hard to imagine that really wasn't that long ago. The baby was so tiny, but bigger than Abby was.
This month has been so fun with development. Baby girl has learned to crawl! She did a really cure Army crawl all over the floor, but now she is learning to push up on her arms and move her legs. Its still not reciprocal crawling yet, but its really close. She's also started to pull up. Yikes. She will really work at it too. Nothing like her mother's determination! I'm not ready for her to be crusing yet. The house isn't ready for her to be cruising yet. I'm so worried about her hurting herself on the hearth. Its solid concrete. Its got pointy edges. I can see a disaster coming. I need to prepare myself.
Also this month, Little Bit finally started cutting some teeth! In the bath tub on Friday, I noticed the tooth buds. Both bottom front teeth are breaking through. I haven't noticed any behaviors out the the ordinary. Besides going to bed early, but daycare says all the girls her age stopped taking a nap because they are too busy playing. Its hard to check her gums because her tounge is in the way, but if you can get her to smile big and sneaky a look, you might be able to see them. I would think that maybe by the end of the week, we will see teeth.
Little Bit, is still little. Still wearing 6 month close. I finally took out all the 3 months things, just because there was so much else, I wanted it all to get worn. There is some 9 month things that are summery, so I'm trying to get use out of those while I can. Those items are a little big, but not that bad. Her 6 months sleepers fit her well. She still though can fit 3 month pants. 6 months are still big around the waist. She's comfortably in size 2 diapers. She can barely fit a size 2 shoe.
Her hair is filling in. She will tolerate a bow in it. But there hair is still fine and short and it doesn't stay in long. It is fun to brush her hair though. We brush it every morning when we get dressed. She doesn't wear bows to school because the other kids take them out and then out them in their mouth. I don't want to be the reason another kid chokes, so we save them for the weekends.
She still is babbling all the time. Dadadadadada is her word of choice. She also giggles and squeezes, blows raspberries in your face. She'll talk to herself in her crib in the morning. Its really cute to listen to. I often wonder what she is saying, or thinking about.
Speaking of crib, she's in her big girl bed all the time now. She can go all night without waking, or without needing one of us. She will stir occassionally. And, at most, she just needs help getting the pappy in her mouth (although she can do that now herself). She's decided her bedtime is around 7:30. It can be sooner, or it can be later, but usually around that time she's getting cranky and rubbing her eyes. She will sleep soundly until 6:30- or 7:00. Sometimes on the weekends, she'll go a little longer, but thats usually when she's snuggled up with one of us.
She's eating well and not afraid to try new things. She likes anything we put on a spoon and give to her. She also seems to get upset when you are eating and she is not. Even if she's just eaten, she will get cranky and fuss at you. I've started to just leave her in her seat and let her eat some puffs, or some table food while we eat. Its hard to feed her and yourself at the same time, so she usually gets to go first.
She does great in public. She's not loud, or fussy. She can sitting in a highchair and entertain herself. Although a lot of times that means one of us is constantly picking toys up off the floor, but she will sit there and be content. She will smile at anyone that passes by. Sometimes she will wave. She hasn't quite grasped the concept of waving, but she can mimic you, so if you wave, she will flap her arm back at you.
She loves daycare. She does great at drop off and pick up. They are so nice to her. But this month, one of her "teachers" decided to leave. I don't know why, and they won't tell me. But, we miss her. She was really great with Abby. They don't spoil the children, but they love them. They take good care of them and make sure each one is happy. I've heard a rumor that she might move up to the older infant room. I'm not ready for that yet. She's still a baby. Even though all the kids in there will be close to her age and will all have her abilities, it's just hard so me to imagine her in a different room everyday.
She's a happy baby. She loves her mommmy and daddy. She loves her brother and she LOVES the dog. She will sit on the floor and play with her toys. She will splash around in the pool. She will happily ride in a shopping cart (just watch our for Grabigail's arms. she's sneaky like that). She's not afraid of strangers (although she will play shy every now and then). She loves things that make noise, and she loves to dance to music. She will still snuggle into your neck first thing in the morning and when she's gone to sleep at night. Still my most favorite time.
I can't believe next month with will double digits. Her birthday will be here before we know it.
This month has been so fun with development. Baby girl has learned to crawl! She did a really cure Army crawl all over the floor, but now she is learning to push up on her arms and move her legs. Its still not reciprocal crawling yet, but its really close. She's also started to pull up. Yikes. She will really work at it too. Nothing like her mother's determination! I'm not ready for her to be crusing yet. The house isn't ready for her to be cruising yet. I'm so worried about her hurting herself on the hearth. Its solid concrete. Its got pointy edges. I can see a disaster coming. I need to prepare myself.
Also this month, Little Bit finally started cutting some teeth! In the bath tub on Friday, I noticed the tooth buds. Both bottom front teeth are breaking through. I haven't noticed any behaviors out the the ordinary. Besides going to bed early, but daycare says all the girls her age stopped taking a nap because they are too busy playing. Its hard to check her gums because her tounge is in the way, but if you can get her to smile big and sneaky a look, you might be able to see them. I would think that maybe by the end of the week, we will see teeth.
Little Bit, is still little. Still wearing 6 month close. I finally took out all the 3 months things, just because there was so much else, I wanted it all to get worn. There is some 9 month things that are summery, so I'm trying to get use out of those while I can. Those items are a little big, but not that bad. Her 6 months sleepers fit her well. She still though can fit 3 month pants. 6 months are still big around the waist. She's comfortably in size 2 diapers. She can barely fit a size 2 shoe.
Her hair is filling in. She will tolerate a bow in it. But there hair is still fine and short and it doesn't stay in long. It is fun to brush her hair though. We brush it every morning when we get dressed. She doesn't wear bows to school because the other kids take them out and then out them in their mouth. I don't want to be the reason another kid chokes, so we save them for the weekends.
She still is babbling all the time. Dadadadadada is her word of choice. She also giggles and squeezes, blows raspberries in your face. She'll talk to herself in her crib in the morning. Its really cute to listen to. I often wonder what she is saying, or thinking about.
Speaking of crib, she's in her big girl bed all the time now. She can go all night without waking, or without needing one of us. She will stir occassionally. And, at most, she just needs help getting the pappy in her mouth (although she can do that now herself). She's decided her bedtime is around 7:30. It can be sooner, or it can be later, but usually around that time she's getting cranky and rubbing her eyes. She will sleep soundly until 6:30- or 7:00. Sometimes on the weekends, she'll go a little longer, but thats usually when she's snuggled up with one of us.
She's eating well and not afraid to try new things. She likes anything we put on a spoon and give to her. She also seems to get upset when you are eating and she is not. Even if she's just eaten, she will get cranky and fuss at you. I've started to just leave her in her seat and let her eat some puffs, or some table food while we eat. Its hard to feed her and yourself at the same time, so she usually gets to go first.
She does great in public. She's not loud, or fussy. She can sitting in a highchair and entertain herself. Although a lot of times that means one of us is constantly picking toys up off the floor, but she will sit there and be content. She will smile at anyone that passes by. Sometimes she will wave. She hasn't quite grasped the concept of waving, but she can mimic you, so if you wave, she will flap her arm back at you.
She loves daycare. She does great at drop off and pick up. They are so nice to her. But this month, one of her "teachers" decided to leave. I don't know why, and they won't tell me. But, we miss her. She was really great with Abby. They don't spoil the children, but they love them. They take good care of them and make sure each one is happy. I've heard a rumor that she might move up to the older infant room. I'm not ready for that yet. She's still a baby. Even though all the kids in there will be close to her age and will all have her abilities, it's just hard so me to imagine her in a different room everyday.
She's a happy baby. She loves her mommmy and daddy. She loves her brother and she LOVES the dog. She will sit on the floor and play with her toys. She will splash around in the pool. She will happily ride in a shopping cart (just watch our for Grabigail's arms. she's sneaky like that). She's not afraid of strangers (although she will play shy every now and then). She loves things that make noise, and she loves to dance to music. She will still snuggle into your neck first thing in the morning and when she's gone to sleep at night. Still my most favorite time.
I can't believe next month with will double digits. Her birthday will be here before we know it.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Modern Medicine
We've spent the summer catchin up on Downton Abbey (thanks Amazon Mom for the free prime videos). Its a great little series, lots of drama, even Gene likes it!
Anyways, in the last episode we watched (SPOILER ALERT: if you haven't watched any of them yet, do not go on!!!!), the youngest sister died after child birth of eclampsia.
This got me thinking. I wasn't diagnosed with pre-eclampsia until we went into the hospital with contractions. I had been swollen, but they said that was normal. My blood pressure was never high. There was no reason to suspect it. In the triage area the OB explained that they would normally do a 24 hour urine catch to check for protein, but since I was 38 weeks already, they would just induce labor. I had the other two signs, swelling and high BP, so the urine catch was unnecesarry.
But I did require medical intervention. Which I refer to as Satan's breath. Because it was hot as Hell! The magnesium was awful. It set my body on fire from the inside out. Again, and Again, and Again. (yes caps was needed there).
After watching Downton last night, I'm thankful with the medical advances and the medical intervention. Watching Cybil convulse and then die was really scary. That could have been me. She too showed the pre-eclamptic signs, but in true drama television, of course they argued about it and possible treatments.
Just another reason to hug and kiss my baby a little bit more.
Anyways, in the last episode we watched (SPOILER ALERT: if you haven't watched any of them yet, do not go on!!!!), the youngest sister died after child birth of eclampsia.
This got me thinking. I wasn't diagnosed with pre-eclampsia until we went into the hospital with contractions. I had been swollen, but they said that was normal. My blood pressure was never high. There was no reason to suspect it. In the triage area the OB explained that they would normally do a 24 hour urine catch to check for protein, but since I was 38 weeks already, they would just induce labor. I had the other two signs, swelling and high BP, so the urine catch was unnecesarry.
But I did require medical intervention. Which I refer to as Satan's breath. Because it was hot as Hell! The magnesium was awful. It set my body on fire from the inside out. Again, and Again, and Again. (yes caps was needed there).
After watching Downton last night, I'm thankful with the medical advances and the medical intervention. Watching Cybil convulse and then die was really scary. That could have been me. She too showed the pre-eclamptic signs, but in true drama television, of course they argued about it and possible treatments.
Just another reason to hug and kiss my baby a little bit more.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Balloon
Abby and I went to get JJ's birthday cake at the grocery store. While we were waiting, I saw the display of mylar balloons and I thought JJ would like the Spongebob one. (Spongebob is once again cool for him).
The string was neatly tied up and there was a clip that I could use to attach it to the cart. I put it on the side, so I could see to steer that cart. Abby immediately turned to it and wanted to grab it. So, to save her from falling out of the cart, I move it to the front so she could see it.
She tugged on the string and batted at the balloon. She smiled at it and at me when I played peek-a-boo with it. She got to hold it when we went outside and on the ride home.
She's gotten way more enjoyment out of that balloon that JJ has. She searches for it in the living room. She scoots to it. Sits up, and grabs the string. She yanks up and down on it and giggles. She thinks that is the best toy ever.
I know what baby girl is getting for her birthday!
The string was neatly tied up and there was a clip that I could use to attach it to the cart. I put it on the side, so I could see to steer that cart. Abby immediately turned to it and wanted to grab it. So, to save her from falling out of the cart, I move it to the front so she could see it.
She tugged on the string and batted at the balloon. She smiled at it and at me when I played peek-a-boo with it. She got to hold it when we went outside and on the ride home.
She's gotten way more enjoyment out of that balloon that JJ has. She searches for it in the living room. She scoots to it. Sits up, and grabs the string. She yanks up and down on it and giggles. She thinks that is the best toy ever.
I know what baby girl is getting for her birthday!
I like to Move it Move it
Holy Moly is baby girl on the move! She's very determined now. She will army crawl her way across the floor to get to you, or get to that toy that she wants. And now, she's learning to pull herself up. So when she reaches her destination, she will either sit and play with the toy, or pull up and grab at your leg.
While I think this is really cute, I'm really scared. I'm not ready for her to be mobile yet. I'm not ready for her to be into everything.
I've heard a rumor at daycare that they will be moving her up, if she's crawling. I'm not ready for that. I love her ladies now. I don't want her to learn new ladies.
Stop growing so fast little bit!
While I think this is really cute, I'm really scared. I'm not ready for her to be mobile yet. I'm not ready for her to be into everything.
I've heard a rumor at daycare that they will be moving her up, if she's crawling. I'm not ready for that. I love her ladies now. I don't want her to learn new ladies.
Stop growing so fast little bit!
Monday, July 22, 2013
Hotlanta
This weekend we went to Atlanta. The boys had tickets to an international soccer tournament, so Abby and I tagged along. I'm always up for a trip away from home, and I was itching to go to Ikea.
We got to Atlanta at lunch time, and immediately it started to rain. We waiting for the downpour to stop so we could walk to lunch. Abby did great a lunch. She played in the high chair. She nibbled on french fries and tomatoes. After lunch, we headed back to get loaded in the car to go shopping. It's a short drive from the hotel. 3 miles or so. She fell asleep on the way.
When we arrived at Ikea, I was excited to find that they had family friendly parking. Right at the entrance. With wide spaces to allow the doors to fully open. With Abby asleep, I decided to put her in the front carrier while she napped. She woke up the minute I put her in there, but I continued to hope she would go back to sleep.
I found my cart and started to make my way around. The Swedes apparently believe in all wheel drive on their carts. That thing was so hard to handle. It did not like to turn corners. I had finally given up on Abby sleeping and decided to put her in the buggy seat. Well, I got a defunked cart and it didn't have a seat! I kept and eye out for another one, but I guess once you get in there, you can't get another one!
I finally just decided it was time to check out. I was sweaty and exhausted. I labored over loading everything onto the belt. Its hard to bend over into a cart with 14 pounds of baby strapped to you! They also don't give you bags at Ikea. You have to buy them. So I bought one large blue bag and tried to stuff everything into it. I managed to get the cart out of the store and to the car. I loaded Abby into the car and we headed for our next stop... Target.
The Target is in the same shopping area as the Ikea. I just had to go around some corners, but in that short time Abby fell asleep. I parked the car and questioned whether I should just sit there and let her sleep, but I just needed a few things, this was our last stop, so I decided once again to try the carrier. Knowing she was deeply asleep, I thought it would work. Well, the SOB is so hard to use, she woke up with me trying to stuff her in it. Again, she had no plans of going back to sleep. So part way through Target, I put her in the cart. At this point, Crabagail joined us on the shopping trip. She was cranky and whiney. So I grabbed what I needed and we check out. I was bummed that I didn't get to walk around and see what great deals I could find.
We started to drive back to the hotel, in the rain. She fell asleep again, almost immediately. The GPS took me on the interstate, which was bumper to bumper. After sitting still for 10 minutes, I took the chance and I got off at the next exit. I knew there wasn't much further to go, and I go scoot around the back side of the park and come into the hotel that way. Moving traffic made me feel so much better!
As we got closer to the Georgia Dome, we got stuck in event traffic. No such a problem, we didn't have far to go. I made one turn pretty easily, even though the cop wanted me to move to the other lane, but when it came to making a left across traffic, this other cop didn't like that very much. He beat on my car, so I rolled down the window. He screamed at me to keep moving. I explained that I needed to turn left. He kept screaming to keep moving. (Although I'm in the turn lane at this point, not holding any one up). I say I need to get to eh Embassy Suites, (which was a block up the street). He yells that I'm in the wrong lane for that, that I need to move. So I did. Against my gut feeling. I should have ignored him and just made my way across. It wouldn't have been too hard for them to stop for a second to let me cross. But no, I had to go all the way around the dome and come into the hotel from the other side. What a pain in my ass. Its raining, there are cars everywhere, there are people everywhere. I've got to pee like a racehorse. (Because its hard to pee with a baby strapped to your front!). I just want to get back to the hotel and collapse.
I finally made it. It took me 45 minutes to go 3 miles. I hate city traffic. Good news, was Abby was chippy and cheerful when we got back. Mommy endulged in happy hour while Abby played on the bed with her toys.
Ahh.... I don't think I'll be taking Abby to Ikea with me again. Next time I will go alone.
We got to Atlanta at lunch time, and immediately it started to rain. We waiting for the downpour to stop so we could walk to lunch. Abby did great a lunch. She played in the high chair. She nibbled on french fries and tomatoes. After lunch, we headed back to get loaded in the car to go shopping. It's a short drive from the hotel. 3 miles or so. She fell asleep on the way.
When we arrived at Ikea, I was excited to find that they had family friendly parking. Right at the entrance. With wide spaces to allow the doors to fully open. With Abby asleep, I decided to put her in the front carrier while she napped. She woke up the minute I put her in there, but I continued to hope she would go back to sleep.
I found my cart and started to make my way around. The Swedes apparently believe in all wheel drive on their carts. That thing was so hard to handle. It did not like to turn corners. I had finally given up on Abby sleeping and decided to put her in the buggy seat. Well, I got a defunked cart and it didn't have a seat! I kept and eye out for another one, but I guess once you get in there, you can't get another one!
I finally just decided it was time to check out. I was sweaty and exhausted. I labored over loading everything onto the belt. Its hard to bend over into a cart with 14 pounds of baby strapped to you! They also don't give you bags at Ikea. You have to buy them. So I bought one large blue bag and tried to stuff everything into it. I managed to get the cart out of the store and to the car. I loaded Abby into the car and we headed for our next stop... Target.
The Target is in the same shopping area as the Ikea. I just had to go around some corners, but in that short time Abby fell asleep. I parked the car and questioned whether I should just sit there and let her sleep, but I just needed a few things, this was our last stop, so I decided once again to try the carrier. Knowing she was deeply asleep, I thought it would work. Well, the SOB is so hard to use, she woke up with me trying to stuff her in it. Again, she had no plans of going back to sleep. So part way through Target, I put her in the cart. At this point, Crabagail joined us on the shopping trip. She was cranky and whiney. So I grabbed what I needed and we check out. I was bummed that I didn't get to walk around and see what great deals I could find.
We started to drive back to the hotel, in the rain. She fell asleep again, almost immediately. The GPS took me on the interstate, which was bumper to bumper. After sitting still for 10 minutes, I took the chance and I got off at the next exit. I knew there wasn't much further to go, and I go scoot around the back side of the park and come into the hotel that way. Moving traffic made me feel so much better!
As we got closer to the Georgia Dome, we got stuck in event traffic. No such a problem, we didn't have far to go. I made one turn pretty easily, even though the cop wanted me to move to the other lane, but when it came to making a left across traffic, this other cop didn't like that very much. He beat on my car, so I rolled down the window. He screamed at me to keep moving. I explained that I needed to turn left. He kept screaming to keep moving. (Although I'm in the turn lane at this point, not holding any one up). I say I need to get to eh Embassy Suites, (which was a block up the street). He yells that I'm in the wrong lane for that, that I need to move. So I did. Against my gut feeling. I should have ignored him and just made my way across. It wouldn't have been too hard for them to stop for a second to let me cross. But no, I had to go all the way around the dome and come into the hotel from the other side. What a pain in my ass. Its raining, there are cars everywhere, there are people everywhere. I've got to pee like a racehorse. (Because its hard to pee with a baby strapped to your front!). I just want to get back to the hotel and collapse.
I finally made it. It took me 45 minutes to go 3 miles. I hate city traffic. Good news, was Abby was chippy and cheerful when we got back. Mommy endulged in happy hour while Abby played on the bed with her toys.
Ahh.... I don't think I'll be taking Abby to Ikea with me again. Next time I will go alone.
Friday, July 19, 2013
Playing the Numbers Game
I've finally decided that the baby weight isn't going to lose itself. "They" tell you that breastfeeding is the best diet ever, and if you breastfeed, the weight will just drop off... Liars!
I gained 33 pounds during the pregnancy. Abby weight 6 and a half. So I really gained 27. I'm still 20 pounds heavier than I was when I got pregnant.
The shock to my self image came when we were at the beach. I hated the way I looked in any of the pictures. I felt like I had an inner tube stuffed under my shirt, and my face was more swollen than when I was 37 weeks pregnant! I just hated everything about how I looked. I knew it was time for a change. I had pulled the wool over my eyes, but enough was enough.
Also around that time, I weaned from breastfeeding, so I knew I couldn't use that as an excuse anymore. The weight wasn't going to fall off
I got the My Fitness Pal app to start tracking calorie intake. What a shocker! When I realized how many calories I should be eating and how many I was actually eating, its no wonder the weight wasn't going anywhere. (Even with the increased caloric intake to support breastfeeding). According to the app, to lose about a pound a week, I needed to eat 1400 calories a day. In the beginning, that sounds like a lot, but it all starts to add up, and quickly.
It's been hard. Its been four weeks now. And I'm hungry... all the time. My biggest problem is lack of exercise. If I increased my exercise, I could eat more calories, and lose more weight. But its hard. By the time I leave work, get Abby, get home, its 5:30-6:00. If I wanted to do the basic, and just walk, I would need to load Abby up and go somewhere. Leaving in the country has its benefits, but its not exercise friendly. At that time of day, I hate doing that. That is our play time. That is the only time we get together during the day. Abby usually eats around 6:30. After that, we make dinner and eat. We get ready for bed and she's been going down by 8:00.
I feel like those 3 hours I get every night are so precious, I don't want to give them up.
I could get up earlier. But I would still have to go somewhere to walk. And I'm not going out on the country streets, in the dark, alone. Gene would have to come with me, and thus Abby. But I'm not going to wake a sleeping baby. She's finally settled into a good routine.
So, the only exercise I get during the day is that walk to and from my car. Which is a good 7 minute walk. So its not nothing, but its not much.
If I want the weight to come off, I feel like I have to starve myself to do it. Its slowly coming off. I've gone down 5 pounds. But I feel like this could be a yo-yo thing. I never thought I ate large portions. I'm not a big person. But the sizes and amounts you should eat, are so small. And everything counts. I am now finding myself asking myself if its worth it. Can I have this piece of candy now, or would I rather have a beer later? If I eat this apple for lunch, I can have a scoop of ice cream in the evening, right?!?
I don't want to become the cray dieter. I don't want to become the yo-yoer. I also know that I will never be my college skinny self again. And I accept that. I do wear my weight as a badge of honor. I know its from hormonal treatments, anxiety medications because everything about pregnancy sent me into a panic attack, its not totally from a bad lifestyle. But I've realized the badge has gotten too large.
So, for now, it looks like I'll be having just water, no lemonade.
I gained 33 pounds during the pregnancy. Abby weight 6 and a half. So I really gained 27. I'm still 20 pounds heavier than I was when I got pregnant.
The shock to my self image came when we were at the beach. I hated the way I looked in any of the pictures. I felt like I had an inner tube stuffed under my shirt, and my face was more swollen than when I was 37 weeks pregnant! I just hated everything about how I looked. I knew it was time for a change. I had pulled the wool over my eyes, but enough was enough.
Also around that time, I weaned from breastfeeding, so I knew I couldn't use that as an excuse anymore. The weight wasn't going to fall off
I got the My Fitness Pal app to start tracking calorie intake. What a shocker! When I realized how many calories I should be eating and how many I was actually eating, its no wonder the weight wasn't going anywhere. (Even with the increased caloric intake to support breastfeeding). According to the app, to lose about a pound a week, I needed to eat 1400 calories a day. In the beginning, that sounds like a lot, but it all starts to add up, and quickly.
It's been hard. Its been four weeks now. And I'm hungry... all the time. My biggest problem is lack of exercise. If I increased my exercise, I could eat more calories, and lose more weight. But its hard. By the time I leave work, get Abby, get home, its 5:30-6:00. If I wanted to do the basic, and just walk, I would need to load Abby up and go somewhere. Leaving in the country has its benefits, but its not exercise friendly. At that time of day, I hate doing that. That is our play time. That is the only time we get together during the day. Abby usually eats around 6:30. After that, we make dinner and eat. We get ready for bed and she's been going down by 8:00.
I feel like those 3 hours I get every night are so precious, I don't want to give them up.
I could get up earlier. But I would still have to go somewhere to walk. And I'm not going out on the country streets, in the dark, alone. Gene would have to come with me, and thus Abby. But I'm not going to wake a sleeping baby. She's finally settled into a good routine.
So, the only exercise I get during the day is that walk to and from my car. Which is a good 7 minute walk. So its not nothing, but its not much.
If I want the weight to come off, I feel like I have to starve myself to do it. Its slowly coming off. I've gone down 5 pounds. But I feel like this could be a yo-yo thing. I never thought I ate large portions. I'm not a big person. But the sizes and amounts you should eat, are so small. And everything counts. I am now finding myself asking myself if its worth it. Can I have this piece of candy now, or would I rather have a beer later? If I eat this apple for lunch, I can have a scoop of ice cream in the evening, right?!?
I don't want to become the cray dieter. I don't want to become the yo-yoer. I also know that I will never be my college skinny self again. And I accept that. I do wear my weight as a badge of honor. I know its from hormonal treatments, anxiety medications because everything about pregnancy sent me into a panic attack, its not totally from a bad lifestyle. But I've realized the badge has gotten too large.
So, for now, it looks like I'll be having just water, no lemonade.
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