I get by with a little help

It happened this weekend.

I couldn't buckle my shoes. 

Gene and I were having Date Night, so I decided to put wear something other than my flip flops or my danskos.  I have cute little metallic wedges that went perfect with the outfit.  They have a buckle strap that goes around the heal.  I like to buckle and unbuckle because I don't like to stretch the strap.  (If it stretches and falls off, then I can't wear them).

I couldn't bend forward to reach the strap.  I also couldn't pretzel myself to reach it sideways.  *sigh*  Thank heavens Gene was willing to help, and he didn't laugh.

Papaya- Part 2

How far along: Twenty three weeks!

How big is baby:  Hopefully over a pound by now. Its hard to know between appointments.

Total weight gain: 12 pounds.  Up one more this week.

Maternity clothes: Still waiting on my old navy order to come.  I can't wait to try on my new jeans.  I know its not really jeans weather.  But, I like to wear them when we go out because I get so cold in the air conditioning.  I hate having to wear my work pants right now when we go out.  It says it should arrive by Thursday!

Sleep: Still some interrupted insomnia moments.  I slept until 10 on Saturday and that was heaven!  I know those days are short numbered.

Best moment this week: Registering.  I loved picking out everything for Abby.  It was so much fun.  A little stressful, but I had some great advice from friends, so when it came time to choose things, I had some ideas of what other moms liked and didn't.

Gender: Girl!

Craving: This week is seems to be birthday cake.  Maybe because JJ's birthday is this week.  I love cake!

Movement: She's still active.  Friday I was able to poke and she would kick back.  It was just that one time, but I hope this is a start to her interacting with us.  I've been trying real hard to get Gene to feel her moving.

Labor Signs: None, nada!

Belly Button in or out:  About the same.  I've started to take a front, bare naked, belly shot so I can document if it ever becomes and outie!

Stretch marks: None yet, knock on wood.

What I miss: There isn't much I'm missing right now.  I guess this is the bliss they talk about!  I'm very content being pregnant.  I'm excited to get the nursery going.  I don't want to rush things, but its fun to see things coming together.

What I am looking forward to: I think at this point getting the nursery ready.  We picked out, but haven't purchased, furniture yet.  We are set on a paint color.  We started clearing out the room this past weekend and hope to have it all clear by this weekend.  I know it will take time, but its fun to have a project to do!

Milestones: Registering was a big milestone.  There was so much to think about.  It's hard to imagine that something so small will need so much.  And how quickly she will outgrown it all. 

Here is a photo from yesterday.  Its really more like 23 weeks since I take them Sunday and my rollover day is Monday. I posted a series on facebook to show the development.  I can't believe at 4 weeks I thought I was fat!

Scars

Its been one year since my Lap.  One year since they discovered I have endometriosis.  We thought that was the "ah-ha" moment.  It made perfect sense on what would have made IVF #1 fail. 

Dr. Miller was pretty impressed at the amount I had, given I had no symptoms.  It was hard to know if I had symptoms though.  How can I know if my cramps are worse then normal, of my flow is worse than normal if I don't know what everyone else experiences?  I did have a family history of it, so I was expecting to find some.  Luckily he thought he got it all and we were back on track.

But then FET #1 failed and IVF #2 failed.  The lap scars were starting to fade away but the emotional scars of failure after failure were building up. 

When we found out we were pregnant.  He called himself to congratulate us.  I thought that was the nicest gesture.  When we met with him the next week to go over the next steps, he was so proud.  We're not sure what created our miracle.  He thinks it all has to do with clearing out the endo.  But, I don't completely buy that.  We had two major failures after that.  Its possible it was a combination of things.  I'm sure it was a combination of things.  I don't want to think about how perfectly the stars needed to align to make this happen. I know we couldn't have done it without his help.

I'm loving this feeling.  I'm enjoying watching my belly grow, even the Lap scars.  Its a reminder of the journey and the road that brought me here.  My belly probably won't have any skin left on it in a few weeks because I can't stop rubbing it.  It's an amazing feeling, one that I can't believe I almost gave up hope on.

What's in a name

Picking a name is one if the hardest things I have ever done.  I would have thought it was easy.  Its just a name.  But that's it, its just a name!  Its your identity for the rest of your life.  Its something that you can't really change (I know technically you can, but most people do not).

The pressure not to make the wrong choice.  What if when she is old she hates it, or what if she gets teased, or what if a million other things.

I know we still have plenty of time before it becomes official.  But I decided it was time to give the baby its identity.  Of course I love the cuteness of people calling her Olive, but I could NOT see her living her whole life as Olive. I wanted her to start to feel connected to it and people to start calling her by it.

Gene and I had discussed some names from the beginning.  The girls name actually came easiest to us, at least the first name.  Back when we were undergoing our first IVF and we were in the bliss of excitement that we could be pregnant, Gene mentioned to me that if he ever had a girl, he wanted to name her Abby.  I thought that was great because Abby had always been on my list and we have never talked about potential child names before.  I thought that was a great connection and I stored it away in my memory bank. 

So, in our discussions I brought Abby up and it was something we both liked.  Gene wanted it to be just Abby, but I wanted it to be more official with Abigail.  Here's where we offer different perspectives.  Growing up I never had a nickname to my name.  I'm just Lisa.  It seemed like all my friends, and family, had full names that got shortened to something else.  I loved that, I wanted that.  Gene on the other hand, was the opposite.  He has a full name, Eugene.  He said it was, and still is, a drag to correct people to call you what you want to be called. 

But, I asked him about his decisions for JJ.  His first name is technically Joe.  Everyone calls him Joejee. (I use JJ for Internet short hand). Jee was his given name from Korea, and its one of his middle names.  Although not his first middle name.  So, technically, he has to correct people to call him what he likes to be called.  (But, he is now fine with people calling him Joe). 

Its complicated and we haven't even chosen a middle name yet! I can still be persuaded to just call her Abby.  I know Abigail is popular right now.  Even though we don't know any.  Its not done till she's born and things are on paper.

We tossed around several middle names.  But I did some research on them and I thought one was particularly fitting.  Gene has been presenting me with tree names options.  Like Maple, Cherry, White oak.  Just odd ball things that I knew he wasn't serious about, but he does like wood, and trees, and nature.  The one name we had talked about has the meaning of Olive Tree.  I thought that was great because not only did include his desire for trees, it included the nickname her brother has given her.  It made the choice that much easier, Olivia it was.

So there you have it.  The workings of choosing a name.  Abigail Olivia Jameson.  I hope she likes it. 

Papaya!

How far along: Twenty two weeks!

How big is baby:  between 14 oz and a pound

Total weight gain: 11 pounds.  Up one from last week

Maternity clothes: Finally bought a few more shirts this weekend.  Plus ordered a pair of jeans and some capris online this morning.  I have to get a short length pair because my legs aren't that long.  I tried on the regulars in the store and I needed 4 inch heels to wear them.  No thank you!  I might finally feel like I have a good enough collection to get me through it.

Sleep: The dreams are still crazy!  I've had the most bizarre ones lately.  One involved being naked and one involved a 4 month old that could walk and talk in full coherent sentences!

Best moment this week: Revealing baby's name to our families!  Abigail Olivia it is.  We will call her Abby or maybe still Olive.

Gender: Girl!

Craving: Still ice cream, and water.  When we go out to eat, they can't keep my glass full!

Movement: It comes and goes.  She was quiet this weekend.  I do start to panic, but as long as I've felt something, even just a little one, I remind myself that its ok.

Labor Signs: No, thank you!

Belly Button in or out: Still in, but my chicken pox scar not far from my belly button has stretched out!

Stretch marks: None yet, knock on wood.

What I miss: Right now I'm missing a summer vacation.  I've opted not to take one and save my time for maternity leave.  Its hard to be here all summer.  I just keep reminding myself of the cozy winter days me and Abby will get to spend together.

What I am looking forward to: Still looking forward to registering.  And now, my jeans coming.

Milestones: I think giving her a name has been a big milestone.  Its one of the hardest things I have ever done.  I feel so much pressure to make it something she can live with the rest of her live.  I think we made a good choice.  Its classic.  It flows nicely.  I opted out of the unique spellings.  It's just simple elegance.

And finally, I picture of sweet Abigail Olivia!

Is this foreshadowing

Baby girl is still being stubborn.  She doesn't want to move on command yet.  Which concerns me.  If I haven't felt movement in a while, like what I'm experiencing right now, I poke around and see if she will move.  Last night and today she's being stubborn.  I can feel some soft kicks every now and then, but nothing in response to my poking.

I don't blame her.  I don't want to be poked either.  But I like constant reassurance.  I would also like Gene to start feeling kicks.  Sometimes if I hold my hands on my belly for a while, eventually she will kick.  I tried to get Gene to feel that last night, but she wouldn't move.  I guess she was in a food coma. 

I have to remind myself that everything looked good on Tuesday.  I watched as the tech marked normal for all her anatomy.  The heartbeat was good, 148bpm.  I was also able to see that my placenta is now slightly anterior and down on the right.  Which might be why I only feel movement over on the left.

I'll be 22 weeks on Monday.  2 weeks till V (viability) day.  Really just one since I have access to a level one neonatal ICU.  Some say 23 weeks can be viable.  I work with children who have made early entries.  I know they can survive.  I don't think I'm concerned as much about pre term labor as and I am still birth. 

I'm now counting down till the next appointment again.  August 7.  Just over three weeks away.

The green monster

I've never been a jealous person.  At least not outwardly.  I've had my struggles recently with accepting pregnant people and being happy for them.  I thought once I was pregnant, that it would get better.

But it hasn't.

I've found out recently that two other women are pregnant and due several weeks after me. I don't really know these women, but in a small town, circles overlap, so everyone knows everyone.

I guess it seemed like no one was pregnant for so long and then once I become pregnant, so is everyone else.  Maybe its just a heightened sense of awareness.  Maybe not.  I'm glad to know that Olive will have other kids her age that come from families we know. 

But I just feel bummed that all the pregnancy talk isn't just about me.  That's really selfish.  I hate that.